Section 17

Donkin looked out for a fair wind along with the rest. No one knew the venom of his thoughts now. He was silent, and appeared thinner, as if consumed slowly by an inward rage at the injustice of men and of fate. He was ignored by all and spoke to no one, but his hate for every man dwelt in his furtive eyes. He talked,
144 THE NIGGER OF THE “NARCISSUS”
with the cook only, having somehow persuaded the good man that he — Donkin — was a much calumniated and persecuted person. Together they bewailed the im* morality of the ship’s company. There could be no greater criminals than we, who by our lies conspired to send the unprepared soul of a poor ignorant black man to everlasting perdition. Podmore cooked what there was to cook, remorsefully, and felt all the time that by preparing the food of such sinners he imperilled his own salvation. As to the Captain — he had sailed with him for seven years, now, he said, and would not have be¬ lieved it possible that such a man . . . “Well. Well . . . There it was . . . Can’t get out of it. Judgment capsized all in a minute P. . . Struck
in all his pride . . . More like a sudden visitation
than anything else.” Donkin, perched sullenly on the {coal-locker, swung his legs and concurred. He paid in the coin of spurious assent for the privilege to sit in the galley; he was disheartened and scandalised; he agreed with the cook; could find no words severe enough to criticise our conduct; and when in the heat of reproba¬ tion he swore at us, Podmore, who would have liked to swear also if it hadn’t been for his principles, pretended not to hear. So Donkin, unrebuked, cursed enough for two, cadged for matches, borrowed tobacco, and loafed for hours, very much at home, before the stove. From there he could hear us on the other side of the bulkhead, talking to Jimmy. The cook knocked the saucepans about, slammed the oven door, muttered prophesies of damnation for all the ship’s company; and Donkin, who did not admit of any hereafter (except for purposes of blasphemy) listened, concentrated and angry, gloating fiercely over a called-up image of infinite torment — as men gloat over the accursed images of cruelty and revenge, of greed, and of power. . , ,
THE NIGGER OF THE “NARCISSUS” 145
On clear evenings the silent ship, under the cold sheen of the dead moon, took on a false aspect of passionless repose resembling the winter of the earth. Under her a long band of gold barred the black disc of the sea. Footsteps echoed on her quiet decks. The moonlight clung to her like a frosted mist, and the white sails stood out in dazzling cones as of stainless snow. In the magnificence of the phantom rays the ship appeared pure like a vision of ideal beauty, illusive like a tender dream of serene peace. And nothing in her was real, nothing was distinct and solid but the heavy shadows that filled her decks with their unceasing and noiseless stir: the shadows darker than the night and more restless than the thoughts of men.
Donkin prowled spiteful and alone amongst the shadows, thinking that Jimmy too long delayed to die. That evening land had been reported from aloft, and the master, while adjusting the tubes of the long glass, had observed with quiet bitterness to Mr. Baker that, after fighting our way inch by inch to the Western Islands, there was nothing to expect now but a spell of calm. The sky was clear and the barometer high. The light breeze dropped with the sun, and an enormous stillness, forerunner of a night without wind, descended upon the heated waters of the ocean. As long as day¬ light lasted, the hands collected on the forecastle-head watched on the eastern sky the island of Flores, that rose above the level expanse of the sea with irregular and broken outlines like a sombre ruin upon a vast and deserted plain. It was the first land seen for nearly four months. Charley was excited, and in the midst of general indulgence took liberties with his betters. Men strangely elated without knowing why, talked in groups, and pointed with bared arms. For the first time that voyage Jimmy’s sham existence seemed for a moment
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A
forgotten in the face of a solid reality. We had got so far anyhow. Belfast discoursed, quoting imaginary examples of short homeward runs from the Islands. “Them smart fruit schooners do it in five days,” he affirmed. “What do you want? — only a good little breeze.” Archie maintained that seven days was the record passage, and they disputed amicably with in¬ sulting words. Knowles declared he could already smell home from there, and with a heavy list on his short leg laughed fit to split his sides. A group of grizzled sea-dogs looked out for a time in silence and with grim absorbed faces. One said suddenly — “ ’Tain’t far to London now.” — “My first night ashore, blamme if I haven’t steak and onions for supper . . . and a pint of bitter,” said another. — “A
barrel ye mean,” shouted someone. — “Ham an’ eggs three times a day. That’s the way I live!” cried an excited voice. There wTas a stir, appreciative murmurs; eyes began to shine; jaws champed; short, nervous laughs were heard. Archie smiled with reserve all to himself. Singleton came up, gave a careless glance, and went down again without saying a word, in¬ different, like a man who had seen Flores an incalculable number of times. The night travelling from the East blotted out of the limpid sky the purple stain of the high land. “Dead calm,” said somebody quietly. The murmur of lively talk suddenly wavered, died out; the clusters broke up; men began to drift away one by one, descending the ladders slowly and with serious faces as if sobered by that reminder of their dependence upon the invisible. And when the big yellow moon ascended gently above the sharp rim of the clear horizon it found the ship wrapped up in a breathless silence; a fearless ship that seemed to sleep profoundly, drearn- lessly on the bosom of the sleeping and terrible sea.
THE NIGGER OF THE “NARCISSUS” 147
Donkin chafed at the peace — at the ship — at the sea that stretching away on all sides merged into the il¬ limitable silence of all creation. He felt himself pulled up sharp by unrecognised grievances. He had been physically cowed, but his injured dignity remained in¬ domitable, and nothing could heal his lacerated feel¬ ings. Here was land already — home very soon — a bad pay-day — no clothes — more hard work. How offensive all this was. Land. The land that draws away life from sick sailors. That nigger there had money — clothes — easy times; and would not die. Land draws life away. . . . He felt tempted to go
and see whether it did. Perhaps already . . .
It would be a bit of luck. There was money in the beggar’s chest. He stepped briskly out of the shadows into the moonlight, and, instantly, his craving, hungry face from sallow became livid. He opened the door of the cabin and had a shock. Sure enough, Jimmy was dead! He moved no more than a recumbent figure with clasped hands, carved on the lid of a stone coffin. Donkin glared with avidity. Then Jimmy, without stirring, blinked his eyeljds, and Donkin had another shock. Those eyes were rather startling. He shut the door behind his back with gentle care, looking in¬ tently the while at James Wait as though he had come in there at a great risk to tell some secret of startling im¬ portance. Jimmy did not move but glanced languidly out of the corners of his eyes. — “Calm?” he asked. — “Yuss,” said Donkin, very disappointed, and sat down on the box.
Jimmy was used to such visits at all times of night or day. Men succeeded one another. They spoke in clear voices, pronounced cheerful words, repeated old jokes, listened to him; and each, going out, seemed to leave behind a little of his own vitality, surrender some
148 THE NIGGER OF THE “NARCISSUS”
of his own strength, renew the assurance of life — the indestructible thing! He did not like to be alone in his cabin, because, when he was alone, it seemed to him as if he hadn’t been there at all. There was nothing. No pain. Not now. Perfectly right — but he couldn’t enjoy his healthful repose unless some one was by to see it. This man would do as well as anybody. Donkin watched him stealthily: — “Soon home now,” observed Wait. — “Vy d’yer whisper?” asked Donkin with in¬ terest, “can’t yer speak up?” Jimmy looked annoyed and said nothing for a while; then in a lifeless, unringing voice: — “Why should I shout? You ain’t deaf that I know.” — “Oh! I can ’ear right enough,” answered Donkin in a low tone, and looked down. He was think¬ ing sadly of going out wThen Jimmy spoke again. — “Time we did get home ... to get something decent to eat ... I am always hungry.” Donkin felt angry all of a sudden. — “What about me,” he hissed, “I ton 'ungry too an’ got ter work. You, ’ungry!” — “Your work won’t kill you,” commented Wait', feebly; “there’s a couple of biscuits in the lower bunk there — you may have one. I can’t eat them.” Donkin dived in, groped in the corner and when he came up again his mouth wTas full. He munched with ardour. Jimmy seemed to doze with open eyes. Don¬ kin finished his hard bread and got up. — “You’re not going?” asked Jimmy, staring at tbe ceiling. — - “No,” said Donkin, impulsively, and instead of going out. leaned his back against the closed door. He looked at James Wait, and saw him long, lean, dried up, as though all his flesh had shrivelled on his bones in the heat of a white furnace; the meagre fingers of one hand moved lightly upon the edge of the bunk playing an endless tune. To look at him was irritating and fatiguing; he could last like this for days; he was out-
THE NIGGER OF THE “NARCISSUS” 149
rageous — belonging wholly neither to death nor life, and perfectly invulnerable in his apparent ignorance of both. Donkin felt tempted to enlighten him. — “What are yer thinkin ’ of?” he asked, surlily. James Wait had a grimacing smile that passed over the death¬ like impassiveness of his bony face, incredible and frightful as would, in a dream, have been the sudden smile of a corpse.
“There is a girl,” whispered Wait. . . . “Can¬ ton Street girl. - She chucked a third engineer of a
Rennie boat - for me. Cooks oysters just as I like
. . . She says - she would chuck - any toff
for a coloured gentleman. . . . That’s me. I am
kind to wimmen,” he added, a shade louder.
Donkin could hardly believe his ears. He was scandalised — “ Would she? Yer wouldn’t be any good to ’er,” he said with unrestrained disgust. Wait was not there to hear him. He was swaggering up the East India Dock Road; saying kindly, “ Come along for a treat,” pushing glass swing-doors, posing with superb assurance in the gaslight above a mahogany counter. — “D’yer think yer will ever get ashore?” asked Donkin, angrily. Wait came back with a start. — “Ten days,” he said, promptly, and returned at once to the regions of memory that know nothing of time. He felt untired, calm, and safely withdrawn within himself beyond the reach of every grave incer¬ titude. There was something of the immutable quality of eternity in the slow moments of his complete rest¬ fulness. He was very quiet and easy amongst his vivid reminiscences which he mistook joyfully for images of an undoubted future. He cared for no one. Donkin felt this vaguely like a blind man feeling in his darkness the fatal antagonism of all the surrounding existences,: that to him shall for ever remain irrealisable, unseen
99
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and enviable. He had a desire to assert his im¬ portance, to break, to crush; to be even with everybody for everything; to tear the veil, unmask, expose, leave no refuge— a perfidious desire of truthfulness! He laughed in a mocking splutter and said:
Ten days. Strike me blind if I ever ! . . . You will be dead by this time to-morrow p’r’aps. Ten days! He waited for a while. “D’ye ’ear me? Blamme if yer don’t look dead already.”
Wait must have been collecting his strength, for he said almost aloud “ \ ou’re a stinking, cadging liar. Every one knows you.” And sitting up, against all probability, startled his visitor horribly. But very soon Donkin recovered himself. He blustered.
What? What? Who’s a liar? You are — the crowd are— the skipper— everybody. I ain’t! Putting on airs! _ Who’s yer?” He nearly choked himself with indignation. “ Who’s yer to put on airs,” he repeated, trembling. . ’Ave one — ’ave one, says ’ee — an ’ cawn’t eat em ’isself. Now I’ll ’ave both. By Gawd— I will! , Yer nobody!”
He plunged into the lower bunk, rooted in there and brought to light another dusty biscuit. He held it up before Jimmy— then took a bite defiantly .‘‘What now?” he asked with feverish impudence.
Y er may take one— says yer. Why not giv ’ me both ?
tmw jm a mangy dorg. One fur a mangy dorg. Try ” ke b°th' Can yef St°P me? Try* Come on-
Jimmy was clasping his legs and hiding his face on the knees. His shirt clung to him. Every rib was
i t' emaciated back was shaken in repeated jerks by the panting catches of his breath.
Yer won’t? Yer can’t’ What rPVI T i • r. , „ CcU1 L- vvnat aid 1 say? went on
onkm, fiercely. He swallowed another dry mouthful
THE NIGGER OF THE “NARCISSUS” 151
with a hasty effort. The other’s silent helplessness, his weakness, his shrinking attitude exasperated him. “Ye’re done!” he cried. “Who’s yer to be lied to; to be waited on ’and an ’ foot like a bloomin ’ ymperor. Yer nobody. Yer no one at all!” he spluttered with such a strength of unerring conviction that it shook him from head to foot in coming out, and left him vibrating like a released string.
James Wait rallied again. He lifted his head and turned bravely at Donkin, who saw a strange face, an unknown face, a fantastic and grimacing mask of de¬ spair and fury. Its lips moved rapidly; and hollow, moaning, whistling sounds filled the cabin with a vague mutter full of menace, complaint and desolation, like the far-off murmur of a rising wind. Wait shook his head; rolled his eyes; he denied, cursed, threatened— and not a word had the strength to pass beyond the sorrowful pout of those black lips. It was incompre¬ hensible and disturbing; a gibberish of emotions, a frantic dumb show of speech pleading for impossible things, promising a shadowy vengeance. It sobered Donkin into a scrutinising watchfulness.
“Yer can’t oiler. See? What did I tell yer?” he said, slowly, after a moment of attentive examination. The other kept on headlong and unheard, nodding passionately, grinning with grotesque and appalling flashes of big white teeth. Donkin, as if fascinated by the dumb eloquence and anger of that black phantom, approached, stretching his neck out with distrustful curiosity; and it seemed to him suddenly that he was looking only at the shadow of a man crouching high in the bunk on the level with his eyes. — “ What? What? ” he said. He seemed to catch the shape of some words in the continuous panting hiss. “Yer will tell Belfast! Will yer? Are yer a bloomin’ kid?” He trembled
152 THE NIGGER OF THE “NARCISSUS”
with alarm and rage, “Tell yer gran’mother! Yer afeard! Who’s yer ter be afeard more’n any one?” His passionate sense of his own importance ran away with a last remnant of caution. “Tell an’ be damned! Tell, if yer can ! ” he cried. “I’ve been treated worser’n a dorg by your blooming back-lickers. They ’as set me on, only to turn aginst me. I am the only man ’ere. They clouted me, kicked me — an ’ yer laffed — yer black, rotten incumbrance, you! You will pay fur it. They giv’ yer their grub, their water — yer will pay fur it to me, by Gawd! Who axed me ter ’ave a drink of water? They put their bloomin’ rags on yer that night, an’ what did they giv’ ter me — a clout on the bloomin’ mouth — blast their . . . S’elp me!
. . . Yer will pay fur it with yer money. I’m
goin’ ter ’ave it in a minyte; as soon has ye’re dead, yer bloomin’ useless fraud. That’s the man I am. An ’ ye’re a thing — a bloody thing. Yah — you corpse ! ” He flung at Jimmy’s head the biscuit he had been all the time clutching hard, but it only grazed, and striking with a loud crack the bulkhead beyond burst like a hand-grenade into flying pieces. James Wait, as if wounded mortally, fell back on the pillow. His lips ceased to move and the rolling eyes became quiet and stared upwards with an intense and steady per¬ sistence. Donkin was surprised; he sat suddenly on the chest, and looked down, exhausted and gloomy. After a moment, he began to mutter to himself, “Die, you beggar — die. Somebody’ll come in ... I wish I was drunk . . . Ten days . . . oysters