Part VII.

he reproached for coming’ fo' trifles, being fo backward to ferious Things.
He faid. Men contefted in undermining or kicking, but none about Gpodnefs.
He wondred at Grammarians, who enquiring after the misfortunes of Gtyjjh, forgot their own; and at Muficians, who whilft they Dune their Inftruments, havedifeordant AfFeGions in their Souls ; and at xAq Mathematicians, that gating upon the Sun and Moon, neglefling. what' was juft at their Feet ; and at c Orators,\^\\o ftudied tofpeak juft things, and neglefted to afl them-, and laftly, at covetotts Perfons, for difpraifing Money, which they loved above all things.
He reprehended thofe, who though they corn* mended Juft Men for thinking themfelves to be above' Money , yet efteem’d the Rich happy.
Fie was angry at thofe, who when they lacri- ficed to the Gods for their health , Feafted at the fame time contrary to their health.
He wondred at Servants, who feeing their Mafters eat excelfively, did not take away their Meat.
He praifed thofe, who being about to Marry, would not Marry ; who being about to go 10 Sea, would not go to Sea ; who being about to undertake fome publick Office, would not un¬ dertake it j and who being about to 'bring up Children, forbore to bring them up -, and who would compofe themfelves to live with great Men, yet never went to them.
He laid, when we ftretch out our hand to our Friend, we fhould never clutch our Fift.
One bringing him into a new houfe, and for** bidding him to fpit, he fpit in his Face, faying,he could not find a worfe place. Some afcribe this to Ariftippus.
Crying out upon a time. Men come hither, a great many flocked about him, whom he fell upon with hi§ Stick, and beat them, faying ,
I called Men, not Varlets. This Hecaton in his ChrU relates.
Alexander laid. If he had not been born A~ lexander, he would have defired to have been born Diogenes.
He faid. They were not maimed who w6re Dumb and Blind, but they wjio had not a Wal¬ let-
Going once half fhaven to a Feaft of young Men, zsMetrocles relates, they beat him, where¬ upon he took their Names, and fetting them down in a Parchment-Roll , he wore it • at his Breaft, whereby beingknown, they 'were reviled and beaten.
He faid, he was the Dog of the praifed, hut none of the Praifers durftgo a hunting with him. '
. To one faying, At the Pythian Games I over- ,came Men '; faith he, I the Mien, you. the *
Slaves. •
To thofe who laid to him. You are now old, take your Eafc ; JEW, faith he, if I wdfetorun a Race, fhould I give over when I were almofi aX the end, or rather contefi with greater Courage'}
Finding Demofhenes the, Orator at Dinner in a common Vi£l:ualling houfe, who afbam’d would have ftolen away -, Nay, faith he, you are now the more Popular. TEUan relates it thus, Dio¬ genes beirtg at Dinner a com.mon Vit^ualling- houfe, and feeing Demofhenes pafs by, invited him in, Demofhenes refufing ; Do you think it,
faith
R.T Vll.
DIOGE
faith Diqge^esy a dilparagement to dine here, when your Matters dine here every day? Meaning the common People, to whom Orators are but Servants.
To fome Strangers who were defirous to fee 'Demofthe/ies^ pointing to him 'with his middle Finger •, this, fakh he, is he that leads the thenians.
In reproof to one who had thrown away his Bread, and was alhamed to take it up again, he tieda ttring aboutthe^ieck-erfa Bottle, and drag¬ ged it after him through the Ceramick.
He faid moft Men were mad Fratet- d'lgium^ all but the Finger •, if any man fhould walk pointing with his middle Finger, he will be thought mad it his Fore- finger, not to.
He faid the moft precious things were fold ' cheapeft, and fo on the contrary ; for a . Statue will coft 3000 pieces ot Silver, a peck of Wheat, two pieces ot Brals.
To one wko came to him to ftudy Philofophy, he gave a Fifh, and bid him follow him ^ the other aftiamed,threw it away, and departed ; Not long after, meeting the fame Perfbn , he laugh¬ ing, laid, The friemiJJoip betwixt yoit and me woi broke off by .a Tiff, piocles relates it thus ^ One faying to him. Command me, Diogenes -, he gave him a Penniwcrth of Cheele to "bring af ter him, the other leluling to carry it. Our Friendftiip, faith he, a penny-worth of Cheefe hath diffolved.
Seeing a Boy drink Water in the hollotv of his hand,he took his little cup out of his Wallet and threw it away, faying , The boy out¬ went him inFrugaLity,]^^ 2l'^2oj his Dilh alfo, feeing a Boy that had broken his, flipping up his Broth in the fame manner.
Seeing a Woman proftrateher felfunhandfom- ly in Prayer, and delirous to reprove her fuper- Itition, as Zoihcs the Pergiean reports, came to her, and laid, Are you not alliamed, Woman, that God who ftards behind you ( for all things are full of him} Ihould fee you in this unde- cent pofture ?
He faid, fuch as beat others, ought to be conlecrated \oMfculapiusff\s, God okChirurgery.
He laid, Againft h'oi'tune we miff oppofc Cou¬ rage-^ againji nature aw •, againft pajjion^ Rea/on.
In the Crane um^ Alexander ftanding by him, as the Sun lhone,laid to him. Ask of me what thou wilt ; he anfwered, Do not jiand between me and the Sun.
One reading a long tedious Dilcourle, and coming at laft near a Blank Leaf at the end of the Book, Be of good Courage triend^ faith he, I fee Land.
To. one proving by the horned Syllogilmthat he had Horns, heleeling on his Forehead, B///- /, faith hitffeel none. In like manner another main¬ taining there was no fuch thing as motion, he refe up and walked. To one dilputing concern¬ ing Meteors, How long is it.^ faith he, finceyou came from Heaven ?
^A wicked Man having written over the door of his Houle, Let no ill thing enter here: Which zoay then.,^ faith he, muff the Mafter come in?
He anointed his Feet with fweet Unguents,fay- ing, the feent went from the crown of his head into the Air, but from his Feet, to his Noftrils.
To fome dthcffians^ that perfwaded him to
N E S/ ‘ _
be initiated into ibme: 'B^eligiqus My.fteries, alledging that fuch as were initiated had tlie chiefeft places in , the ' other World : It' is ridiculous, faitlf he, if Agefflaus^ni Epaminon- live there, amongft Bogs, and the comtnoh People that are initiated, live in the Blehfed I- flands. Or as Plutarch.^ hearing thefe Verfes of Socrates.'.
- Thrice happy they
Who do thefe My ff cries furvey They only ffier Death are B/eff,
All miferies purfuc the reff. *
Wltatffffih. hQ.,fhall Patoecion the Thief be in belter condition (becaufe he was initiated j than Epaminonda.s ?
Mice coming to him as he was at dinner-,
5^£’,faith hQfLiogtnos alfo m aim aineth Par aft es.
d Diogenes being prefent at a dilcourfe of P4/r(?’s,would not mind it 5 whereat Plato angry, dMItan var. laid, 'ThouDog,why mindft thou not? Dioge- M- nes unmoved, anfwered, Tet 1 never' return to the place where I was fold, as Dogs dopMuTing to Plato's Voyage to Sicily.
Returning from a Bath, one asked him-, if there were many Men there ? He laid, No : The other asking him, if there were much company he laid, there was.
defining Man a two footed Animal with¬ out Wings, and this definition being approved •
Diogenes took a Cock, and plucking off all its Feathers,tiirned it into Plato's School/aying,This is Plato'k Man *, whereupon to the definition was added. Having broad Nails,
To orne demanding at what time he Ihould Dine, If thou art Rich, faith he, when thou wilt -, if Poor, zvhen thou canff.
At Megara, feeing their Sheep with thick ■
Fleeces, and their Children almoft naked ^ It is better, IAxk he, tn be the Sheep of ^ Megarsean,
\than his Son.
To one, who hitting him with the end of a long Pple, bade him take heed. Why, faith he, do you mean to hit me again ?
He Id\d,The Orators were the Servants of the Multitude-, Crowns,the Boils of Glory.
e He lighted a Candle at Noon, laying, I look ^ •
for a Man. * ' ‘
He ftood in the Rain without any Ihelter^fome that were prelent pitying him, Plato, who-was there likewile, laid, will ffmw your felves
pitiful to him, go away, -reflcfling upon his Vain¬ glory,
One giving him a box on the Ear, 0- Hercules, faith he, I knew not that I fhould hiiAf vcalkcd with a Helmet. ■ • '
Medtas grs'mg him many Blows with his Fift, laying, There are 3000 Drachms[ialludlng to the fines impofed upon luchOutrages] ready count¬ ed for you upon the! Table -.The next day he got a Cceffus, and beat him with it, Ia.ying,There are three Thoufand Drachms ready counted for you.
Lycuu an Apothecary asked him,- if he thought there were many Gods ; How laith he, can! think other wife,' when 1 take you to be their Enemy ? Others alcribe this-to Theodorus.
Seeing one that had belprinkled himfelf with Watery 0 unhappy Alan, laith he, doff thou not know, that the Errorsof Life are no more to be waff' d away by Water, than Errors in Grammar}
He
M6
He rebuked thofe who complained of Fortune, faying, They did not requefi what was good^ but that which feemed good to them.
Of thofe who are terrified IVith Dreams, he laid, Tou never are concerned fo7' the things you. do waking.^ but what you fancy in your flee y you make your greatefl bufinefs.
f Et viut. f At the Olympick Games the Cryer pro¬ a's ciirkfitate, claiming, Tioxippus hath overcome Men ^ he Slaves^ faith he, but I tnean.
Alexander fending an Epiftlc to Antipater at * Athens^hy One whofe name was Athlias., Dioge¬ nes being prelent laid, Ath/ias from Athlias.^ by Athlias to Athlias.^ alluding to the name, which implieth Alifery.
Fet'diccas threatning him with death unlels he would come unto him ^ that is no great matter.^ faith he, for a Cantharides or Spider may do as much ^ you floould rather have thr earned.^ that you ivould have lived well without me.
He often faid, the Gods had given to Men an eafie Life, but that it was hidden from thole who uled choice diet, unguents, and the like j whence to one whofe fervant put on his Cloaths, you will not be truly happy ^ faith h.Q.,until he wipe your nofe alfo^ that is, when you have loft the ufe of your hands.
Seeing fome that had the charge of the things belonging to the Temple, leading a Man to Pri- fon,who had ftoln a Cup out ot the Treafury,//?^ great Thieves^ faith he, lead Prifoners the tejfer.
To a young man that throwing Stones at a Gibbet, IVell done., faith he, you will be Jure to hit the mark.
To fome young men that coming about him, faid, take heed you do not bite us : fear not boys., laid he, Diogenes eats not Beets j^for fo he term¬ ed effeminate perfons.}
To one Feafting, cloathed in a Lion’s skin, do not, faith he, dejile Virtues Livery.
To one extolling the happinels of Callifthenes^ in that living with Alexander he had plenty of all things *, nay, laith he, he k not happy, for he dines and Jups when Alexander pleafes.
When he wanted Money, he faid, he went to re-demand, not borrow of his friends.
Seeing a young man going along with fome great perlbns to a Feaft, he took him from them, and carried him to his own friends, bidding, them to look to him better.
To one neatly drelfed^ who had asked him fome quell: ion, / cannot anjwer you, faid he, un- lefs I knew whether you were a Man or a Woman.
Vit.Mena. ^ Of a young Man playing at Cattabus in a Bath, By how much the better, faith he, fo much the vcorfe.
At a Feaft one threw a Bone to him as to a Dog, which he like a Dog took up, and lifting his Leg, ivjoin-
Orators, and all fuch as fought glory by fpeak- ing, he called thrice men, rnltead
of rsiletShiufy thrice wretched.
He called an unlearned Rich-man a Sheep with a Golden fleece.
Seeing written upon the Gates of a Prodigal’s Houle, to be Sold ^ I knew, faith he, being fo overcharged with Wine, it would Vomit up the Owner.
To a young man profelfmg hirofelf much dif- pleafed at the many perfons tiiat courted him,)
Par.t Vli
Let him fee, faith he, that you are difpleafeJ\ by cafling off your effeminacy.
Of a foul Bath,, where, faith he^ fhall they bi wajhed that wajh here ?
A big fellow *that plaid on the Harp, the’ by all others difeommended for playing ill, heprai* fed ^ being asked why, hecaufe, faith he, being an able fellow, he choofeth rather to play on the Harp than to Steal.
A certain Harper who plaid fo ill, that til'd:
Company always went away and left him, he Hluted thus, good morrow Cock -, the other ask¬ ing why, becaufc, laith he, your Aluftck maketh every one rije. '
Seeing a young man doing fomething, which tho’ ’twere ordinary ,he conceiv’d to be unfeemly, he filled his bofom with Beans, and in that man¬ ner walked through the People, to whom gazing • upon him, I wonder, faith hii,you look at me, and not at him,
Hege/uu deliring to lend him Ibme of his Writings, Tou are a fool, faith he, Hegelias, who eat Figs not painted, but real -, yet ncgleH true ex- ercitation, and feek after the written.
Seeing one that had won the ViHiory at the . i
Olympick Exercifes^ feeding Sheep ^ you have made haft, faith he, good man, from the Olympick Exercifes to the Kern cean, the word alluding to feeding of Sheep.
Being demanded how it cometh to pafs that Wreftleis are for the molt part ftupid fellows, heanfwered, becaufethey are made chiefly of the skins of Oxen and Swine.
To a Tyrant, demanding .of him what Brals was belt, he anfwer’d, that whereof the Statues of Harmodius and Ariftogiton were made* This others aferibe to Plato.
Being asked how Dionyfufs ufeth his Friends, ns veffels, faith he, emptying the full, and throw¬ ing away the empty,
A young man newly Married, having written upon his Houfe, the Son of Jupiter, Hercules,
Callinkus dwelleth here, let nothing ill enter he added, AJJiflance after a defeat, implying, it was too late, he being already Married.
He faid Covetoulhels is the Metropolis of alt Evil. ^
Seeing one that had vvafted all his means^ eating. Olives, If you hadufed to dine fo, faid he, you would not have f upp’d fo.
He laid, Good men are the Images of the Gods,
Love is the bufinefs of idle perfons.
Being asked what is the moft miferable thing in Life, he faid, an old man in want.
h Being demanded, the bitings of what Beafts were moft dangerous ; ofWildBcafls, faith he, ^ a Detrahior -, of Tame, a Flatterer.
Beholding a Pifture of two Centaurs very ill painted, he faid, Which of thefe is Chiron ? the Jeft conlifterh in the Greek word, which fignifi- eth worfe, and was alio the name of a Centaur,
Tutor to Achilles.
He faid, the D 'lfcourfe of flatterers k a Rope of Honey. He called the Belly the Charybdis of Life.
Hearing that Didymo, an Adulterer was ta¬ ken ^ he dtferves, laith he, to be- put out of his name (meaning Eraalculated.;
i Being asked why Gold looks pale ^ becaufe-, faith he, many lie in wait for it, i Stob.
Sed^
D 10 G E NES.
9
PA rT VII.
DIOGENES.
Seeing a Woman carried in a Lirter ^ that is ;7^?/,faich he, a Jit Cage for fuch a Beaft.
Seeing a Servant that had run away from his Mafter, fitting upon the brink of a Well : Toiwg TAan.^ faith he, take heed you do not fall in-, al¬ luding to the punifhment of Fugitive Servants.
Seeing one that ufed to fleal Garments in the Bath j he laid, st AKo[xi/.adiov n W d.hKo Do
you come for Unguents.^ or for another Garment ?
Seeing fome Women hanged upon an Olive- tree ^ I, wouldj faith he, all Trees bore the fame i'ruit.
Seeing a Thief that ufed to rob Tombs, he Ipoke to him in that Verfe oi Home
- What now of Men the beji,
Com'jl thou to plunder the Deceas’t ?
Seeing a handfome youth all alone afleep, he awaked him, laying in the words of Aioake.
M« TK (Sit Ivdovit iv To^ij rrh^tij.
To one that Feafted fumptuoufly,hefaid that Verfe of Homer.
Son thou haf but a little time to live.
, Tlato difcourfing concerning Ideas.^ and nam¬ ing Tf fay, Tableity and Cuppeity^ he faid, I fee Plato, the Table and the Cup., but not the Tableity and Cuppeity. Dlato anlwered, it is true indeed, you have Eyes by which the Thi5>/ but not an Intellect, by which Tableity and Cup¬ peity are feen.
Being demanded what he thought Socrateslf.^ anfwered, mad. Being demanded at what time a Man fhould marry ^ a young Man., faith \\.t.,not yet ; an old Man not at all.
To one that asked, what he fhould give him to let him ftrike him, he anfwered, a Helmet.
, To a young Man drefiing himfelf neatly, if
Ui! ' of Men, you are
unhappy, tj for Women, you are unjuji.
Seeing a young Man blufh ^ Take Courage, faith he, that is the Colour of Vertue.
Hearing two Men plead againft one another, he condemned both, faying, One had flolen, the other had not loji.
Beihg demanded what Wine he thought moft , plealant, he anlwer’d. That which is drunk at another s Coji.
To one that laid, many deride thee -, he an¬ fwered, but I dm not derided : As conceiving, m Fit. Fab. faith Blutarch, m thbfe only to be derided, who Max. are troubled at fuch things.
To one who faid. Life is an ill thing : Tife, faith he, is not an illtUng, but an ill Life is an ill thing, f, , \ ;
« stob.Ser. 39. n^ks he wasi Dining upon Olives, they cauf ed a Taft to be, let before him, 'which he threw away, faying,
Stranger, whj'n Kings approa
The words of Laius^s Officers to Oedipus.
Being dsked what kind of Dog he was, he an¬ fwered, When hgw^s, hungry, a Spaniel \ vd?en his
287
belly was full a Majiijf-, one of thofe which many commend, but dare not take abroad with them a Hunting.
Being demanded whether Wile Men might eat Dainties^ Allthings,DLith. he,^^ well att others.
0 Being demanded why Men gave to Beggars, b stob. ser. and not to Philofophers ^ Bccaufe, faith he, they 77- are afraid they may be Lame or Blinch^ but are not afraid they may he Fhilofophers.
To one that reproached him as having coun¬ terfeited Money j Indeed, faith he , there was a time when I was fuch a one as you are^ -, but the time will never come that you will be as I am. ; .
Coming to Mindus, and feeing the Gates very large, the City ImA\,Mindinians,Di\ih. h.^,Jhut your Gates, leji your City run out at them.
Seeing a Thief that was taken Healing Purple, he applied that Verfe of Homer to him.
The Fur pie death, and potent Fate have feiz'd.
To Craterus,vAiO invited him to come to him, he returned Anfwer, 1 bad rather lick Salt at A= thens, than enjoy the greateji Delicacies with Craterus.
Meeting Anaximenes the Orator, who was very Fat ', Give us, faith hQ,fome of your Flefj, it will eafeyou, and help us.
The fame Anaximenes being in the midfl: of a Difcourfe, Diogenes (hewing a piece of Salt- ' fifh, diverted the Attention of his Auditors y whereat Anaximenes gjoxCing ZLUQvy, See, faith he, a hard Fennyworth of Salt fifh hath broke off Anaximenes’s Difcourfe.
Some afcribe this to him. Flato feeing him wafh Herbs, came and whifpered thus to him-,If you had followed Dionyfius, you would not have needed to wafh Herbs ; to whorn he re¬ turned this Anfwer in his Ear, If you had wafh- ed herbs, you needed not tohave followedFAony^i fius.
To one that faid to him, many laugh at you 3 ■
Ajid A j]es perhaps at them, faith he, but they card not for AJfes, nor I for them. ■
Seeing a young Man fludying Philofophy :
Well done, faith he, you will teach thofe who love your outward Beauty, to admire your Soul.
To one that admired the multitude of votive Offerings in given by fuch as had
efcaped Shipwrack : There would have been far more, faith he, if thofe who perifhed had prejent- ed theirs. Others afcribe this to Diagoras the Melia'n.
To a young man going to a Feafl, he laid, .
You will come back C/;/>t7/?(alluding to the word which implyeth worfe) the young man came to him' the next day, faying, I went and returned not Chiron : No, faith he, not Chiron but Eu- rition.
Returning from Laced£mon to Athens, to one,- that asked him from whence he came, and whi¬ ther Ee went : From Men, faith he, to Women.
Returning from the Olympick Games , to onet that asked if there- were much People there ^
Much Feople,Im\ihs, but fevo Aien.
He -compared Prodigals to Fig-trees growing on a Precipice, whole Fruit Men tii,fle. iior,- but Crow§‘^nd Vultures, devour.
288