CHAPTER II.

Of some spiritual imperfections to which beginners are^ ^ liable in the matter of pride.
When beginners become aware of their own fervour and diligence in their spiritual works and devotional
* Ch. xii. § 2.
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exercises, this prosperity of theirs gives rise to secret pride — though holy things tend of their own nature to humility — because of their imperfections ; and the issue is that they conceive a certain satisfaction in the con- templation of their works and of themselves. From the same source, too, proceeds that empty eagerness which they display, in speaking before others of the spiritual life, and sometimes as teachers rather than learners. They condemn others in their heart when they see that they are not devout in their way. Some- times also they say it in words, showing themselves herein to be like the Pharisee, who in the act of prayer boasted of his own works and despised the Publican.*
2. Their fervour, and desire to do these and other works, is frequently fed by satan in order that they may
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grow in pride and presumption : he knows perfectly well that ail their virtue and works are not only nothing worth, but rather tending to sin. Some of them go so far as to think none good but themselves, and so, at all times, both in word and deed fall into condemnation and detraction of others. They see the mote in the eye of their brother, but not the beam which is in their own.f They strain out the gnat in another man’s cup,\ and swallow the camel in their own.+
3. Sometimes, also, when their spiritual masters, such as confessors and superiors, do not approve of
* S. Luke xviii. n, 12. f S. Matt. vii. 3. } lb. xxiii. 24.
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their spirit and conduct — for they wish to be praised and considered for what they do — they decide that they are not understood, and that their superiors are not ' spiritual men because they do not approve and sanction their proceedings. So they go about in quest of some one else, who will accommodate himself to their fancy ; for in general they love to discuss their spiritual state with those who, they think, will commend and respect it. They avoid, as they would death, those who destroy their delusion with the view of leading them into a safe way, and sometimes they even hate them. Presuming greatly on themselves, they make many resolutions, and accomplish little. They are occasionally desirous that others should perceive their spirituality and devotion, and for that end they give outward tokens by move- ments, sighs and divers ceremonies ; sometimes, too, they fall into certain trances in public rather than in * private — whereunto satan contributes — and are pleased when others are witnesses of them.
4. Many of them seek to be the favourites of their confessors, and the result is endless envy and dis- quietude. They are ashamed to confess their sins plainly, lest their confessors should think less of them, so they go about palliating them, that they may not seem so bad : which is excusing rather than accusing - themselves. Sometimes they go to a stranger to con- fess their sin, that their usual confessor may think they
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are not sinners, but good people. And so they always take pleasure in telling him of their goodness, and that in terms suggestive of more than is in them : at the least, they wish all their goodness to be appreciated, when it would be greater humility on their part, as I shall presently show,* to undervalue it, and wish that neither their confessor nor anyone else should think it of the least importance.
5. Some beginners, too, make light of their faults, and at other times indulge in immoderate grief when they commit them. They thought themselves already saints, and so they become angry and impatient with themselves, which is another great imperfection. They also importune God to deliver them from their faults and imperfections, but it is for the comfort of living in peace, unmolested by them, and not for God ; they do not consider that, were He to deliver them, they would become, perhaps, prouder than ever. They are great enemies of other men's praise, but great lovers of their own, and sometimes they seek it. In this respect they resemble the foolish virgins, who, when their lamps gave no light, went about in search of oil, saying : ‘ Give us of your oil, for our lamps are going out.'t
6. From these some go on to very serious imper- fections, and come to great harm thereby. Some, however, fall into them less than others, and some
* § 7. * S. Matt. xxv. 8.
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have to contend with little more than the first move- ments of them. But scarcely anyone can be found who, in his first fervours, did not fall into some of them.
7. But those who at this time are going on to^j perfection proceed in a very different way, and in a very different temper of mind : they grow and are built up in humility, not only looking on their own works as . nothing, but also dissatisfied with themselves ; they look upon all others as much better, they regard them with a holy envy in their anxiety to serve God as theyj do. For the greater their fervour, the more numerous their good works ; and the keener the pleasure therein, the more they perceive — for they humble themselves — how much that is which God deserves at their hands, and how little is all they can do for Him : thus the more they do, they less are they satisfied.
8. So great is that which they in their love would fain do, that all they are doing seems nothing. This loving anxiety so importunes and fills them that they never consider whether others are doing good or not, and if they do, it is, as I have said, in the conviction that all others are much better than they are. They think little of themselves, and wish others to do so also, to make no account of them and despise their works. Moreover, if anyone should praise and respect them they will give them no credit, for they think it strange that anybody should speak well of them.
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9. They, in great tranquility and humility, are very desirous to learn the things that are profitable to them from anyone ; in this respect the very opposite of those of whom I have just spoken, who are willing to teach everybody ; and who, when anyone seems about to teach them anything, take the words out of his mouth, as if they knew it already.
10. But they of whom I am now speaking are very far from wishing to instruct anyone ; they are most ready to travel by another road if they be but com- manded, for they never imagine that they can be right in anything. When others are praised they rejoice, and their only regret is that they do not serve God themselves as well as they. They have no wish to speak about their own state, for they think so lightly of it, that they are ashamed to speak of it to their own confessors ; it seems to them unworthy of any mention whatever. But they have a great desire to speak of their shortcomings and sins, or of that which they consider not to be virtue : thus they incline to treat of the affairs of their soul with those who have no great opinion of their state and spirit.* This is a characteristic of that spirituality which is pure, simple, true, and most pleasing unto God. For as the wise Spirit of God dwells in these humble souls, He moves and inclines them to keep His treasures secretly within, and to cast
* See Life of St. Teresa, Relation vii. § ii.
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out the evil. For God gives this grace, together with the other virtues, to the humble, and withholds it from the proud.
11. These will give their hearts' blood for him who serves God, and will help him to serve Him to the utmost of their powers. When they fall into any imperfection they bear up under it with humility, in r meekness of spirit, in loving fear of God, and hoping in Him. But the souls who in the beginning travel thus towards perfection are, as I said,* few, yea, very few, and we ought to be content when they do not rush into the opposite evils. This is the reason, as I shall hereafter explain, t why God leads into the dark night those souls whom He will purify from all these im- perfections in order to their further progress.