CHAPTER XXXVI.

THE SAINT, CONTINUING THE SAME SUBJECT, INFORMS US HOW TUB MONASTERY OF ST. JOSEPH WAS AT LAST FOUNDED.
HAVING now left that city (Toledo), I went on my journey very cheerfully, being resolved most willingly to suffer what ever our Lord might be pleased to send me. The same evening that I arrived here, there came the letters and brief from Rome for the erection of the monastery, so that both 1 and all those who knew how much our Lord hastened my coming, were astonished when they understood how necessary my presence was, at that very conjuncture, when our Lord brought me to this place, because here I found the Bishop,
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and that holy man Peter of Alcantara, and that other gen tleman, a great servant of God, at whose house this holy man lodged ; for he was a person with whom the servants of God were accustomed to be entertained hospitably and cour teously. These two prevailed upon the Bishop to admit the monastery ; and this was no small favor, considering the house was to have no revenue. But he was so great a friend to all those who he saw were determined to serve God, that he soon consented to the proposal. That holy old man, Peter of Alcantara, approved of it, and did all he could, sometimes with one and sometimes with another, to promote it, and to induce them to assist us. Had I not come at this particular time, as I have said, I cannot imagine how the business could have been effected, for this holy man re mained her but a short time (not more, I think, than eight days, and during that time he was very ill), and soon after our Lord took him to Himself. It seems our Lord had pre served him till he had finished this business, for it was a long times since he had been ill, I think more than two years.
Everything was done with the greatest secrecy; for had not this been the case, nothing could have been accomplished, for the people disliked the undertaking exceedingly, as was afterwards seen. Our Lord so disposed things, that a rela tion of mine fell ill, he being from home at the time ; and so dangerously ill was he, that leave was given me to go and take care of him ; and on this occasion nothing transpired, though some persons had a little suspicion of the affair, but they had no certainty of it. It was wonderful to see that he lay no longer ill than was necessary for the business ; and when it was requisite he should recover (in order that I might be disengaged, and the house be empty), our Lord suddenly restored him to health, so that he himself wondered at the circumstance. I had great trouble in endeavoring to persuade sometimes one, and sometimes another, to admit the monastery; and also with the person who had been ill, and with the workmen, to induce them to make haste, and clear the house, and finish it as soon as possible, that so we might have at least the form and appearance of a monastery, for a great deal was yet wanting to complete it. My companion, the widow, was not here (for we thought it best for her to
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keep away, in order to disguise the matter the better) ; and I saw clearly that a great deal depended on despatch, and this for many reasons : one was, that every hour I was afraid I should be commanded to return to the monastery of the Incarnation. The troubles I endured here were so numerous, that they made me think this was the cross mentioned by our Lord, though it seemed to me a very light one in comparison with that heavy cross, which our Lord told me I was to bear.
Everything being now prepared, our Lord was pleased that on the feast of St. Bartholomew, some ladies took the habit, and the most Blessed Sacrament was then placed there ; and thus, with full license and authority, this monas tery of our most glorious Father St. Joseph was established in the year 150'2. I was present to give them the habit, together with two other nuns from the monastery of the In carnation. Now as this house (converted into a monastery) was the same that my relation dwelt in ; for, as I have men tioned, he purchased it in order the better to conceal the real object, I had leave to live in it : and I did nothing but by the advice of the learned, in order not in any point to offend against obedience ; and these persons seeing that, on many grounds, the monastery tended to the reputation and advantage of the whole Order, told me I might proceed in the business, though I acted with great secrecy and caution, in order that my Superiors might know nothing of the mat ter ; and rather than commit the slightest imperfection they might discover in me, I would have given up a thousand monasteries, much more one; this is very certain. For though I was desirous to separate myself from every one, and to follow my profession and vocation with the greatest perfection and enclosure, yet I desired this in such a way, that whenever I understood it would tend more to God's honor to abandon all this, I would have done it with tran quillity and cheerfulness, as I did before. I seemed then to be, as it were, in a kind of glory, to see the most Holy Sa crament on the altar, and shelter given to four poor orphans (for they were admitted without dowry), who were great servants of God ; for it was intended at the beginning that euch persons should be taken in who by their example might
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prove a foundation to the new edifice ; and that we might attain our object of high perfection and prayer, by which a work would be effected that would, I was confident, contri bute to the glory of our Lord, and to the honor of the habit of our glorious Mother : for this was my sole desire. Be sides, it gave me great consolation to behold that effected which our Lord had so strictly commanded me to do, and to see one more Church in this place, under the title of my glorious father St. Joseph, than had been before. Not that I seemed to have done anything in this business myself, for I never had, nor have I now any such thought, for I always knew it was our Lord who did everything. And what little I had done was attended with so many imperfections, that I find I rather deserved to be blamed than to be praised. But it was a great pleasure to see that His Majesty had made use of uie, though so very wicked, to be the instrument for so noble a work : and I was so transported thereat, that I was, as it were, out of myself in profound prayer.
When all this was finished, I think it was some three or four hours afterwards, that the devil made an attack upon me in the following manner. He represented to me that what I had done had perhaps been ill done* and suggested whether I did not act contrary to obedience by attempting to found the monastery, without a command from the Father Provincial — (for I imagined he might take some offence at my subjecting it to the Bishop before I had acquainted him, although as the Provincial was unwilling to admit the monas tery, I thought he would not care much). The devil also suggested to me, whether those sisters who lived here in such austerity would be contented ; whether they might not sometimes want victuals ; 'whether it were not foolishness for any one to put such an idea into my mind: had I not a monastery of my own "? In a word, the command our Lord had given me, the many opinions of others whom I consulted, tlie prayers I offered up without ceasing almost for two years, — all had now escaped my memory as completely as if I had never entertained such things. I only remember it was my fancy. All virtues, and even faith itself, seemed then to be suspended in me, without having the power to exercise one of them, or to defend myself from his blows. 28*
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The devil also represented to me, that as I wished to keep enclosure in so strict a house, and was afflicted with so many infirmities, how should I be able to endure such penance, and to leave a house BO spacious and delightful, and where 1 lived so contentedly, and had so many friends ' haps the sisters would not be to my liking ; that I bound myself to too much ; that possibly I might fall into despair ; and that perhaps the devil instigated me thereto, to deprive me of my peace and quiet, and thus I should be unable to con tinue my prayer, being so disturbed, and might in the end lose my soul. Thoughts of this nature the devil represented to me altogether, so that I had no power to think of any thing else ; and this was accompanied with such affliction, obscurity, and darkness in my soul, that I cannot express it.
Seeing myself in this state, I went to visit the most Blessed Sacrament, though I was unable to recommend myself to our Lord, being in such agony, as if I were in the agonies of death. To mention my state to any one I dared not, because I had not a confessor appointed for me.
0 my God ! what a miserable life is this, in which there is no secure contentment, nor anything without change ! A very short time before I was so happy, that I thought I would not have exchanged my happiness with any one on earth ; and immediately the same thing which had caused such hap piness tormented me in such a way that I knew not what to do. Oh ! did we carefully observe the events of our life, every one would see by experience how little we ought to esteem either its joys or its sorrows.
This certainly seems to me to have been one of the sharpest attacks I ever had to endure during my whole life : it appears as if my soul had a presentiment of all I was to endure, though had it lasted it would not have amounted to so much as this. But our Lord did not abandon His poor servant in her sufferings, for He always supported me in every tribula tion ; and so He did in this, for He gave me a little light to understand those thoughts came from the devil, and that he suggested all these to terrify me with his lies. Then I began to remember the strong resolutions I had made of serving our Lord, and the desires I had of suffering for His sake ; and I considered that, if I intended to execute them, I must
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not seek after ease ; that if I met with troubles there would be merit too ; and that if I bore them to honor God, they might serve instead of Purgatory. What was I afraid of? If I desired crosses, these were good heavy ones ; and the more opposition, so much the more gain ; and why did I want courage to serve one to whom I was so much indebted? With these and other considerations, doing violence to my self, I promised before the most Holy Sacrament to do my utmost to obtain leave to come and dwell in this house ; and in case I could do so with a good conscience, to vow per petual enclosure. As I was forming these resolutions the devil immediately vanished, and left me quiet and content, and so I have continued ever since. All that is observed in this house respecting enclosure, penance, and other matters, have become extremely pleasant, and are considered to be little or nothing : the delight also which we experience is so very great, that sometimes I think I could not have chosen in the whole world anything sweeter. This must be, in some measure, the reason why I now have better health than ever I had ; or because there were both a reason and a necessity why I should do what all the rest did, perhaps our Lord was therefore pleased to give me this consolation to enable me to do it, though with pain : and this strength of mine all wonder at, who know my infirmities. Blessed be He who gives every gift, and who can do all things by His power !
I was very weary and tired with this combat, and I laughed to myself at the devil, for I saw clearly it came from him. I believe our Lord permitted it (for during twenty-eight years and more, since I have worn the habit, I never knew, even for a moment, what sadness meant), in order that I might understand what a great favor He had bestowed upon me in this way, and from what a torment He had freed me ; and also, that in case I saw any one else in the like state, I might not wonder, but rather compassionate her, and be able to console her.
This combat being now ended, and desiring to take a little rest after dinner (for all the previous night I had hardly any sleep, and during several other nights I was full of cares and troubles, besides being tired from all the troubles of the preceding days), I was informed that what had been done
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was known in my monastery of the Incarnation, and also In the town : immediately, for the reasons already mentioned, there arose a great uproar and disturbance, which seemed to be, in some measure, justifiable. The Prioress immediately commanded me to come to the monastery' instantly. When I received her message, I went immediately, leaving my nuns very unhappy. I saw I should now meet with many troubles : but as the house was already established, I did not trouble myself much about them. I gave myself to prayer, beseeching our Lord to help me, and my Father St. Joseph that he would bring me back again to his monastery ; and I offered up to him whatever I was to suffer. Being exceed ingly desirous of an opportunity of suffering something for His sake, and of being able to serve Him, I went there thinking they would certainly put me into prison. This I thought would be a great comfort to me, for there I should not speak to any one, and would be able to repose a little while in solitude: and this was necessary for me, for by con versing so often with people, I became, as it were, ground to the dust.
As soon as I arrived, I gave an account of myself to the Prioress, who then became somewhat pacified. But they all sent for the Father Provincial, and the cause was to be heard before him. When he came, I was summoned to appear before him, and I was exceedingly delighted to see myself suffer something for the love of our Lord : for I found that I had not, in this case, offended His Majesty, nor done any thing against my Order, but rather had endeavored to pro mote its interest with all my strength, and for it I would willingly have died ; for it was my sole desire that the rules should be observed with all possible perfection. I called to mind the sentence passed on Christ, and saw how little that was which I endured. The Provincial blamed me very sharply, for I acknowledged my fault to him, as one very guilty ; but he did not blame me so severely as the offence deserved, and considering what so many had told him. I did not wish to excuse myself, because I was resolved to suffer; but I desired he would rather pardon and punish me than entertain any angry feelings against me. In some things I saw clearly they condemned me wrongfully : for they
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said, I had commenced this undertaking to get myself a name and reputation, and so on. But in other things I was con vinced that what they said was true ; as, for instance, " that I was the worst of all the nuns; that not having observed the rules used in this house, how could I think of observing them with greater strictness in another ? That I gave scan dal to the people, and introduced novelties." These accu sations did not give me any trouble or pain, though I appeared to be afflicted, lest I should seem to disregard what they said to me. At hist, the Father Provincial commanded me to declare there before the nuns, my reasons, and the object of my actions. As I was recollected within myself, and our Lord assisted me, I gave my reasons in such a way, that neither the Provincial nor the nuns present could find any cause to condemn me. I spoke afterwards with the Father Provincial alone, and informed him more in particular of the success of the business. He was quite satisfied, and promised that, if I could succeed in appeasing the city, he would give me leave to remove to the new house, because the tumult in the place was very great, as I shall now relate.
Two or three days after, the mayor and magistrates of the city, together with some of the chapter, met together, and all declared they would on no account consent to the establish ment of the new house, because it was a manifest injury to the city : that the most Blessed Sacrament should be taken away, and that they would not in any way allow the matter to go further. They appointed several divines from every Order to give me their opinions. Of these, some were silent, and others condemned the business, and came to the conclu sion that the house should be dissolved. Only one Father, a doctor of divinity of the Order of St. Dominic (he was against us, not on account of its being a monastery, but because it was poor), said, " that there was no necessity for dissolving the house so suddenly ; that the subject ou be carefully considered, since there was time enough for it ; that this case belonged to the Bishop," &c. These words did a great deal of good ; for, considering the excitement, it was a wonder the people did not immediately pull down the building. But it was to be a monastery, because our Lord was pleased it should bo, against whose will all of them
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united together could do but little. They gave their reasons, and showed great zeal ; and thus, without their offending God, they made me and all who were favorable to the busi ness (for some such there were) suffer and endure great per secutions. The tumult and excitement of the people were so great that no one talked of anything else ; and all condemned me, running first to the Provincial and then to my monastery. I was no more moved by what they said against me than if they said nothing ; but the fear lest the house should be dis solved, and seeing that those who assisted me lost their credit, and knowing what affliction they endured, all this grieved me exceedingly. As to what was said about myself, I was rather glad of it ; and if I had had a little faith, I should not have felt the least alteration. But a falling off in any one virtue, is sufficient to lay asleep all the rest. During the two days in which the meetings were held among the people, I was very much troubled ; and being exceeding sad, our Lord said to me, " Dost thou not know I am power ful? What are you afraid of?" And He assured me the monastery should not be dissolved. These words consoled me very much.
In the mean time the king's council was informed of the whole of the proceedings ; and an order came that an account should be drawn up, on our part, how this monastery was to be founded. Here, however, a great contest began ; for on the part of the city some had gone to the court, and some were also obliged to go on the part of the monastery : but we had no money, and I knew not what to do. Our Lord so ordered, that the Provincial never commanded me to desist prosecuting the business ; for he is such a friend to any good work, that though he might not assist the business, he would not put any obstacle in the way. And he would not grant me leave to remove to the new house till he saw what the result would be. These servants of Grod remained alone, and did more by their prayers than I did with all my labors, though I was obliged to use my utmost endeavors. Sometimes all seemed lost, especially one day before the Father had come, it happened that the Prioress commanded me not to do anything in this business, which was in reality to give up everything. I went to our Lord and said to Him,
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" This house is not mine, it is established for Thee ; and since there is no one to conduct the case, do Thou undertake it." Having spoken these words, I felt as great repose, and as free from care, as if I had the world to plead for me; and I immediately considered the business as completed.
A priest (Gonzalo de Aranda), a great servant of God and friend to every perfection, who had always assisted me, went to court to attend the business, and was exceedingly careful to promote it; and that devout gentleman (Francisco de Salcedo), whom I have already mentioned, labored exceed ingly in the matter, and did all he could to favor us ; not, however, without suffering many troubles and persecutions. I always esteemed him, and do still esteem him as our father. But our Lord inspired those who assisted us with such zeal and fervor, that each one took up the business as if it had been his own in particular, and his life and honor had been at stake therein ; being, however, no further concerned than because they thought it would tend to the glory of God. Our Lord's help to a certain priest, whom I have already mentioned (Gaspar Daza), one of those who was of great assistance to me in this affair, was evidently seen : for in another great assembly held in the city, he appeared in be half of the bishop, and stood up alone against every one, and at last appeased them by proposing certain expedients, which were sufficient to delay the design of dissolving the house, and to stop their fury. But nothing could induce them wholly to desist ; for they soon returned again, and seemed willing to lose their lives if they could dissolve the monastery. It was this servant of God who gave the nuns the habit, and set up the most Blessed Sacrament, for which he endured very great persecution. This opposition lasted almost half a year ; and to relate all the great afflictions I endured during that time would be too tedious. I was astonished to see what mischief the devil was able to do against a few poor women, and how all the people could imagine that twelve women and a prioress could be so injurious to the city, for they were not to exceed that number (I speak to those persons who withstood us), and these women, 100, led very austere lives. But supposing there was some injury or error therein, it would all fall upon themselves, and the city would not
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suffer any loss : but they fancied so many misfortunes would happen, that they opposed the monastery with a good con science. At length the people began to yield ; and they came to the conclusion, that in case the monastery were en dowed, they would admit it, and be content it should go on. I was now so afflicted with seeing the trouble of all those who assisted us, more than I was with my own, that I thought it would not be wrong to receive revenue till the storm was over, and afterwards I might refuse to take any. And sometimes I likewise imagined (like a wicked and imperfect creature), it might perhaps be our Lord's pleasure, since without this revenue we could not carry on, and already T had consented to this agreement. The night before it was to be concluded, the agreement having now commenced, our Lord said to me, while I was in prayer, " Daughter, make no such agreement, for if once you begin to admit revenue, the people will not afterwards allow you to refuse it ;" adding also other things.
The same night there also appeared to me the holy man Peter of Alcantara, who died a slyjrt time before, and had Written to me before his death, hearing of the opposition and persecution we endured; he said he was glad the house was founded in the midst of such great opposition, for it was a sign our Lord would be truly served therein and honored, since the devil labored so much to hinder it. That I should not by any means consent to have it endowed ; and two or three times he inculcated this point in his letter with great earnestness, assuring me that if I continued firm, all would succeed as I desired. I had already seen him twice since his death, and observed the glory he was in : and so I was not at all frightened, but rather rejoiced, for he always appeared like a glorified body, full of ,:rlory, and it gave me the greatest delight to behold him. I remember that the first time I saw him, he told me amongst other things, the great bliss he enjoyed, and how happy his "penance" was which he had performed during life, whereby he had obtained so high a reward. But because I think I have spoken in another chapter on this subject, I will say no more here, except that this time he showed a little severity, and only told me "by no means to have revenue ;" and he asked me
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why I did not take his advice ] And immediately he vanished, leaving me greatly amazed. The next day 1 soon acquainted the above-named gentleman (he being the individual to whom I had recourse in everything, and who exerted himself in ihe cause more than any one else) with what had happened, and told him not to consent in any way to admit revenue, but to go on with the suit. He was more firm in the matter than I was, and glad I was. He afterwards told me how unwill ing he was to speak on this agreement.
Afterwards there rose up another person, an eminent servant of God ; and as things were now in a good way, he wished the matter might be referred to the judgment of the learned. And here I found trouble enough ; for some of those persons who assisted and consented thereto were of the same opinion. But this was an artifice of the devil, more deep and subtle than all the rest. Our Lord, however, helped me in everything ; for it is impossible for me, writing thus so briefly, fully to relate what was endured during the two years from the time the monastery began till all was com pleted. This last year and the first half-year were the most troublesome.
The city being now somewhat appeased, Father Bafiez, the Dominican doctor who had assisted us, though not present, made haste to come to Avila ; and our Lord brought him there just at the time he was wanted ; and he did us great good, for he told me afterwards he had no reason or occasion to come, but that it was only by chance he heard we wanted him. He remained here as long as was necessary. At his departure, he induced by certain means the Father Provin cial to give me leave to remove to this monastery (and to obtain this so soon seemed impossible), and to take some other nuns with me, and also to instruct those who were already there. The day we entered was a day of great consolation to me. When I was praying in the church, before I went into the monastery, being as it were in an ecstasy, I saw Christ our Lord, who I thought received me with great love ; and He put a crown upon my head, and thanked me for what I had done for His Mother.
At another time, when all the nuns were at prayer in the choir, after Compline, I saw our Blessed Lady in very great 29
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glory, who seemed to be protecting us all under a very white robe, which she had on. By this I understood what a high degree of glory our Lord would bestow on the religious of this house. When the Divine Office began to be recited, the people also began to have a great devotion to this monastery. More nuns were received, and our Lord began to move those who had opposed us the most to favor us exceedingly, and to give us alms : so that now they began to like what they had so much disliked before ; and by degrees they gave up all contention, and acknowledged that they knew this work was favored by God, since, notwithstanding so much opposition, His Majesty was pleased it should prosper. No one now thinks it would have been well not to have founded the mon astery, much less to have dissolved it. And thus they are at present so careful to provide us with alms, that without our asking any one for them, our Lord moves them to send us relief, that so we may live without wanting necessaries : and I hope in our Lord it will always be so : for as the nuns are but few, if they do what they ought (as at present His Majesty gives them grace to do so), I am sure they will never want anything, nor will there be any necessity for them to be burdensome to any one, for our Lord will take care of them, as He has hitherto done.
It is for me the greatest consolation to see myself placed here among souls, so disengaged from the things of this world. Their whole study is to know how to advance further in the service of God. Solitude is their delight, and the very thought of their seeing any one, even should it be one of their nearest relations, is a great affliction to them, unless they hope to be able to excite such persons to renewed love for their spouse. Thus no one comes to this house who has not this object in view ; for otherwise, neither are they welcome to others, nor others to them : their language is all about God, and they neither understand anything else, nor are they understood except by those who speak only of Him. We observe the rule* of our Lady of Mount Carmel, and this in all its strict-
* The rules were drawn up by Albert, Patriarch of Jerusalem, in the year 1209. St. Teresa's Reformation of the Order dates from the year 1562, when her Constitutions were drawn up, and approved by Pius IV. in 1565. — (See the Rules in Yepez, "Vida de Santa Teresa," cap. xi. lib. ii. p 145.)
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ness and integrity, as it was confirmed by Pope Innocent IV., in the year 1248, and the fifth of his Pontificate. Me- thinks that all the troubles which have been endured for the monastery have been well bestowed. For though the rule is somewhat rigorous, because flesh-meat is never eaten, except in case of necessity, and we fast eight months in the year, and observe other things, as may be seen in the primitive rule ; yet the sisters consider it not to be severe enough, and therefore they observe additional mortifications, which seem to be necessary in order to keep the rules with greater perfec tion. I hope in our Lord that what has begun will prosper and increase, as His Majesty has promised me. The other house which that pious lady of whom I spoke was instrumental in erecting, was likewise favored by our Lord, and was founded in Alcala, not without strong opposition, and being obliged to endure very great troubles. In it I know that our rule is observed with all strictness and devotion. May our Lord grant that all things mav tend to His glory and praise, and to that of the glorious Virgin Mary, His Mother, whose habit we wear ! Amen.
I think your Reverence will be tired with this long account I have given you about our monastery ; but it is very short in comparison with the many afflictions we endured, and the numerous wonders our Lord wrought in its foundation, of which there are many witnesses, who can take their oath as to the truth of them. And now I entreat your Reverence, for the love of God, that whatever you judge to be superflu ous in this account you will erase ; but that you will preserve in it all that relates to this monastery ; and after my death give it to the sisters who maybe in the monastery, for it will animate those who come after me to serve God, and to endea vor to prevent what has commenced from being dissolved, but rather that the house may go on from good to better, when they see how much our Lord has done for it, in founding it by means of suoh a base and wicked creature as myself. And since our Lord has been pleased to express His approval of this work in so especial a manner, I think they will do very wrong, and will be severely punished, who shall dare to attempt any relaxation of that perfection which our Lord has established here, and assisted in such a way that it is observed with the
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greatest pleasure and sweetness : hence it is evident that the rule is very tolerable, and may with great ease be practiced, as there are so many helps for those who live always well, who desire alone to enjoy their spouse, Jesus Christ : and this is all that they aim at, delighting to be in solitude alone with Him. The sisters do not exceed thirteen ; for I learnt from the opinions of many persons that this number is sufficient ; and by experience I have seen, that in order to procure and maintain the spirit which now exists in the house, and to live on alms without being a burden to any one, it is requisite the number should be no more. And in these matters, rather believe one who, with so great difficulties, aided by the prayers of so many persons, has done that which seemed to be the best. The great pleasure and joy which we all ex perience during the years we have lived in this house, besides the state of our health, so much better than what we formerly enjoyed, — all this clearly proves that the number is the most convenient. But whoever thinks the rule rigorous or difficult, let them blame their own want of courage, and not the rules observed here, since even delicate and sickly persons bear all things with pleasure and great sweetness. Let such persons go to other monasteries, where the^ may secure their salva tion in a way agreeable to their own mind.*
* The remainder of the Saint's history will he found in the Book of her Foundations. In the History of the Foundation of Medina del Campo, she says, "I lived five years in the monastery of St. Joseph, at Avila, after it was erected; and these now seem to me to have been the most peaceful part of my life, the want of which repose and tranquillity my soul often feels. ... I took great delight in conversing with such pure and holy souls, seeing that all their care was only to serve and praise our Lord. I praised our Lord for beholding such heroic virtues," Book of the Foundations is already published. It is interesting and edify ing beyond description.
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