CHAPTER XXV.

SHE TREATS OF THE WAY HOW THOSE WORDS AND SPEECHES ARE TO BE UNDERSTOOD, WHICH GOD COMMUNICATES TO THE SOUL WITH OUT ANY VOICE OR SOUND BEING HEARD.
I THINK it would be well to explain here what kind of speech that is which God makes use of to the soul, and what she feels, that so your Reverence may understand it ; for from the time when our Lord did me this favor (which I have mentioned), it often happens to me even now, as you will see
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 221
by what follows. They are certain words very distinctly formed in the soul, which, though not heard with the cor poreal ears, are understood much more expressly and clearly than if they were so heard : nor can the soul avoid under standing them, and giving her whole attention to them : and it is useless to resist, however much we may strive. When in this world we do not wish to hear, we can stop our ears, or else attend to other things, in such a way, that though we may hear the words, yet we shall not understand them. But when God speaks to the soul, there is no remedy whatever, but we are made to listen to the words whether we will or no ; and the understanding is obliged to be very attentive, in order comprehend them. Thus, whether we wish or no, God wishes we should understand Him ; and because He is all-powerful, that which He resolves must be done, and so He is known as the true Lord of us all. Of this truth 1 have had much experience, for the resistance I made con tinued almost two years, on account of the fears I had : and even now I feel this fear sometimes ; but resistance is of little use.
I should be glad to mention the errors that may happen here, though it seems to me that a person who has great experience would commit few or none : but this experience mui^t be great. I should also like to declare the difference which exists when the spirit is good, or when it is bad, or between that which comes from an imagination formed by the understanding itself (which may happen), or between what the soul says to herself. I know not whether this can happen or no, though even this very day I think it has hap pened so. When the words come from God, I have expe rienced their truth in many things which were told me two or three years before ; they all proved true, and till now not one has failed. There are also other things by which the spirit of God is clearly seen, as I shall afterwards relate.
To me it seems that a person who recommends some thing to God with great earnestness, may fancy that he fore sees whether the affair will succeed or not : this I say is very possible. But he who understands things in the other way of which I have spoken, will clearly discover what will hap pen, because there is a great difference between the two ways 19*
222 LIFE OP ST. TERESA.
of hearing. And if it be something which the understand ing forms, howover delicately done, he understands that something is ordained and said. It is ju.-t like a person dis coursing or listening to what another sa\s. And the under standing will discover, that it does not listen then, because it works ; and the words which it frames are, as it were, mute and fantastical, and not delivered with the same clear ness as those others were. And here it is in our power to turn our attention to something else, or to hold our peace when we speak ; but in the other case we have no such power. There is another sign much more important than all the rest : what is said by ourselves produces no effect ; but when our Lord speaks, he utters both words and produces effects •, and though they should not be words of devotion, but of reprehension, they immediately dispose the soul, they enable her to be affected, they enlighten her, regale her, and satisfy her. And should she be in a state of dryness, commotion, or disorder, these words take it all away, as it were, with the hand : yea, and even much better than the hands could do : for it seems then our Lord wishes us to understand that He is powerful, and that His words are deeds. It seems to me, that there is as much difference as there is between one speaking or hearing, neither more nor less; for what I speak I order (as I have mentioned) with my understanding ; but if another speak to me, I do no more than hear, without any trouble at all to myself. In the first kind of words we cannot be certain if what we say be the truth, for we are like men half asleep ; but the other words come from a voice so clear, that not one syllable of what is said is lost. And yet these things happen sometimes when both the understanding and the whole soul are in such great distraction and disorder, that they would never be able to form any reasonable discourse. But the soul finds in this other discourse certain great and important sentences, so well arranged, that though she were ever so perfectly recol lected, she would be unable to produce such : and yet at the very first word thereof (as I have said) a total change is pro duced in her ! Especially if the soul be in a rapture, when the powers are suspended, how will those things be under stood which never came to her memory before ? And how
LIFE OP ST. TERESA. 223
will they come, then, when the memory does not act, and when the imagination has, as it were, become foolish ?
But here we must notice, that whenever either visions are seen or these words heard, it is never, in my opinion, at that time when the soul is absorbed in the rapture itself; for at those periois (as I think I mentioned when speaking of the Second Water) all the powers are entirely lost : and hence we can then, in my opinion, neither see, nor hear, nor under stand. The soul is wholly in the power of another at that time, but only for a short time ; and methinks our Lord does not give her any liberty then in anything. But when that short time has passed, the soul remains still in the rapture ; and the reason is, because the powers remain in such a way that, though they are not lost, yet they hardly operate at all, but are as it were absorbed, and not able to perform any discourses. But there are so many ways of discovering the diiference between what is true and false, that if the soul should be deceived once, it would not happen so often. I bay also, that if the soul have any experience, and be careful in observing what passes, she will see the truth very clearly ; for besides all the other ways whereby that will be seen which I have mentioned, these words produce no effect, nor does the soul admit them : but those which come from God she must receive, whether she will or no. Neither does she give any credit to the other words, but rather discovers that they are the effect of an idle imagination, just in the same way as we should pay no attention to whatever a madman might say to us. But the supernatural words are as if we were listening to some very holy or learned person of great authority ; and such an one, we know, would not deceive us. But this is indeed a mean comparison, because these words sometimes bring with them such a great majesty, that, with out reflecting who it is that utters them, even should they be words of reprehension, they make us treu.ble : and should they relate to Divine love, then they make the soul dissolve, as it were, in loving. And these are things which (as I have before mentioned) are far from our remembrance; and such deep sentences were so suddenly pronounced, that a long time would be required to have formed and arranged them.
224 LIFE OF ST. TERESA.
I think, then, it seems impossible, that we ourselves should imagine we could form such words.
There is no reason, then, why I should delay any longer on this point, for I think it would be a wonder if an expe rienced person could be deceived herein, unless he purposely wished to be deceived. It has often happened to me, if I were in any doubt, not to believe what was told me, but to think it was my own fancy. This I do when the occasion is past, but now it is impossible ; for I have seen the words fulfilled a long time after ; because our Lord is pleased the same should remain in the memory, for it cannot be forgotten. That which comes from the understanding is only the first movement, as it were, of our thought, which passes away and is forgotten. But the other is a work, rather than a word ; and though some part of it may be forgotten in the course of time, yet the memory cannot lose it entirely, so as to for get what was said, unless it be a long time after, or except, they be words of doctrine or words of favor. But if they relate to prophecy, in my opinion they can never be forgot ten ; at least, this never happened to me, though I have a bad memory.
I wish to repeat, that if a person be not so wicked as to take pleasure in deceiving himself, by being persuaded that he understands what he does not understand, it is impossible for him not to see clearly, that it is the soul who frames these words and speaks to herself, especially if she have any under standing at all of the Spirit of God : for if she have not, she may remain in this error during all her life, and may perhaps imagine she understands these words, though I know not how this could be. Either the soul desires to understand them or no : if she cast away that which she understands, and in no way desires to understand anything, on account of her innumerable fears, and for many other reasons which she may have, in order that she may remain quiet in prayer without such things, — how comes she to allow so much time to the understanding, so as to be able to form these discourses ? Time is necessary for these. But by this other way we are instructed without any loss of time at all, and we come to understand certain things in an instant, when at other times a month would be required. The understanding and the
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 225
soul arc amazed at some things which are understood. This is the truth : and whoever has any experience will see that all I have said is very correct. 1 bless God, who has enabled me thus to declare it ; and now I end this part of my dis course by saying, that, in my opinion, when such words come from the understanding, we may easily know it if we wish ; and every time that we are in prayer we may fancy that we understand the words. But in this other way it is not so, for there will be many days wherein, — though 1 should wish some thing respecting them, — it is impossible ; and when at other times I have no wish, then I am able to understand them, as I have said. And it seems to me, that whosoever desires to de ceive others, saying that he knows this comes from God, which in reality comes from himself, might as well assert he heard it with his own ears, for it would cost him little. It is very true, that I never thought there was any other method of hearing or understanding, till I found in my own case that what I now say is correct, and this cost me a great deal of trouble.
When these things come from the devil, they not only produce no good effects, but they also produce evil effects. But this has not happened to me above twice or three times ; and I was instantly informed by our Lord that it was the devil. Besides the great dryness they leave behind them, they give the soul much trouble likewise, in the same way as when at other times our Lord permitted me to have great temptations and troubles of different kinds, and that I should often be tormented, as I shall relate afterwards. This is a disquiet, and we cannot understand whence it comes ; but it seems the soul resists it, and troubles herself thereby, and is afflicted without knowing why, because the devil says such and such a thing is not bad, but good. I think if one spirit is sensible of the presence of another, that the pleasure and delight which the diabolical spirit gives are, in my opinion, very different from those which God gives. — The devil, by these delights, may easily deceive a person who has never received any from God, for these coming from Him are indeed true delights, which infuse a sweet, strong, deep-rooted, quiet, delightful pleasure and joy. As to certain little devotions of the soul, and other slight feelings, they
'2'2G LIFE OF ST. TERESA.
are like young flowers which fall away at the least wind of persecution : these I do not call devotions, though they may be good beginnings, and holy feelings : but they are not sufficient to determine whether the effects come from a good spirit or a bad one. It is therefore necessary to proceed with great caution, for those who have advanced no farther in prayer than this, may easily be deceived if they should have visions or revelations. I never had these last till God was pleased in His goodness to give me the Prayer of Union, unless it were that first time of which I have spoken ; and it happened to me many years ago, when I saw Christ our Lord : and would that His Majesty had been pleased to make me understand at that time that it was a true vision, as I knew it was so afterwards, for this would have been of great use to me. From the delusions of the devil no sweetness whatever remains in the soul, but she feels much terror and great disgust.
I consider it certain, that God will never permit the devil to deceive any soul which places no confidence at all in her self, and is strengthened in her faith so firmly, that she would die a thousand deaths for the least article thereof; and this love for her faith (and it is a strong and lively faith), infused into her immediately by God, always induces her to act in conformity with what the Catholic Church holds and teaches, like one who is so deeply persuaded of the truth, that all possible revelations which could be imagined, not even if she saw the heavens opened, could make her vary in the least point from the doctrine of the Church. But if she once begin to waver, even in thought, against this truth, or to entertain herself by saying, " If God himself speak thus to me, as He has to the saints, this may also be true," I do not say that she believes it, but that the devil begins to tempt her by this first motion to continue therein; but she already sees how very evil this is. But I believe that often even these first motions will not attack a soul on this point, if she be already so strong as our Lord makes that soul to which He grants these favors. And I think she could tear these devils to pieces, whenever the question was respecting the least article which the Church holds. I say, then, that if the soul do not find in herself this great strength, and that
LIFE OF ST. TERESA. 227
her devotion or vision which she may have is of no help thereto, she must not consider the vision to be a true and safe one, because, though the evil may not be perceived im mediately, it might become great by little and little. For, as far as I can understand and know by experience, the truth of such visions depends on their conformity with Holy Scripture. And when they go against this rule, however slightly, it seems to me that I should have, without com parison, much greater reason to consider that they came from the devil than that they came from God, however great the conviction might seem to me. In this case there would be no necessity to seek for "signs," nor to examine from what spirit the vision came, since the sign would be clear as to make us believe it was from the devil : and even if all the world should assure me it was from God, I would not believe it. The truth is, that when these things come from the devil, it seems that all blessings hide themselves, and even fly from the soul, so unquiet and in such disorder does she remain, without feeling any good effect. And though some good desires may seem to be excited in her, yet they are not strong or effectual. The humility the devil leaves behind is false, unquiet, and without sweetness ; and I think any one who has experienced " the good Spirit " will understand this.
However, the devil knows how to play many tricks, and therefore, in this matter, nothing is so certain but that some thing may still be feared from him. We must proceed then with caution, and have a director who is learned : from him we must conceal nothing, and then no harm can come to us, though I have had my share thereof, through the excessive fears to whom some of the religious were subject. It once happened, especially, that many persons met together in whom I placed great confidence (and I had reason to do so, though it was to one particularly that I gave the greatest confidence ; still, when he commanded me, I spoke with others also); they consulted with one another about finding a remedy for my soul ; for they loved me much, and feared I might be deceived. I was also subject to very great fears when I was not in prayer ; but when I was, and our Lord was pleased to show me any favor, I immediately became calm and secure. I think there were five or six, all of whom
228 LIFE OP ST. TERESA.
were great servants of God. But my confessor told me, that they were all firmly convinced my prayer came from the devil : and they advised me not to communicate so often, and to employ myself in such a way that I might not be alone. As I have already mentioned, I was extremely timid, and the palpitation of my heart made me more so, so that often I had not courage to be alone in my room, even in the day time. As so many asserted my prayer came from the devil (though I could not believe it myself), I began to be extremely scru pulous, thinking I had but little humility, because they were all much more holy without comparison than I was, and also they were learned men ; and therefore I said, " Why should I not believe them ? " I forced myself as well as I could to do so ; and I thought much of my own wicked life, and how likely it was that what they said was true. Being thus afflicted I went into the church, and entered an oratory, having abstained many days from communicating, and avoided being alone, though solitude had formerly been my greatest consolation. All this I did without having any one to speak to, for they were all against me. Some of them I thought even laughed at me, whenever I spoke to them ; others advised my confessor to take care of me : and others said, that it was quite clear I was deluded by the devil. My con fessor alone gave me comfort (though, as I learnt afterwards, he agreed with the others so far as to have me examined); and he told me, that though it should be the devil, yet, if I did not offend God, he could do me no harm ; that my diffi culties would be removed ; that I should pray to God frequently and earnestly, and that he, and the others, and many more persons would do the like. All my prayer was, as well as the prayers of those who I thought were servants of God, that Ilis Majesty would direct me by some other way. I remained about two years in thus continually supplicating our Lord.
I could have no comfort in any way, when I thought it was possible that the devil had often spoken to me. But as I now spent no more time in solitude and in prayer, our Lord gave me the gift of recollection, even when I was engaged in conversation, and this without my being able to avoid it ; and He said to me what He pleased, though it
LIFE OP ST. TERESA. 229
troubled me to hear Him. Being once all alone, without having any one near to console me, I could neither pray nor read, but was like one amazed at my great tribulation, and I was also terrified, considering if the devil could have power to deceive me. And being thus harassed and fatigued, with out knowing what to do with myself (though I had often seen myself in such affliction, yet never had I been in such great trouble I thought), I remained four or five hours in this state ; and there seemed to be no comfort for me, either on earth or in heaven, in the midst of the sufferings our Lord gave me, and under the fear also of a thousand dangers. But, 0 my Lord ! how true a friend art Thou, and how powerful ! What Thou wilt, Thou canst effect, and Thou never dost forsake or cease to love those who love Thee ! May all creatures praise Thee, 0 Lord of the world ! Oh ! that I could cry out loud enough through the universe, in order to proclaim how faithful Thou art to Thy friends ! All things fail ; but Thou, the Lord of them all, dost never fail. How little is that which Thou allowest those who love Thee to suffer. 0 Lord, how delicately, how wisely, and how sweetly dost Thou know how to treat such souls ! Oh ! that I had never loved any one but Thee ! It seems, 0 Lord, that sometimes Thou triest with rigor those who love Thee, that so by the excess of their affliction, they may understand the better the excess of Thy love. Oh ! that I had understanding, and learning, and new words, that 1 might be able to proclaim Thy works, as my soul knows them.
These I have not; but if Thou wilt not desert me, I will never forsak Thee. Let all the learned men in the world rise up against me ; let all creatures persecute me ; let the devils torment me, provided only Thou, 0 Lord ! wilt not forsake me ; for I know well, by experience, with how great advantage Thou deliverest all those who put their confidence in Thee alone. When I was in this great trouble (even before I had begun to have any visions at all), these words alone were sufficient entirely to free me from all trouble : " Fear not, daughter, it is I ; I will not forsake thee ; do not fear."
It seems to me, that considering what I was then, a long time would have been necessary to persuade me to compose 20
230 LIFE OP ST. TERESA.
myself, and that no one would have been able to do it. And yet, behold I was consoled by these words alone, and endued with strength, with courage, with repose and light in such a manner, that I saw my soul in that instant had become quite another creature. Oh ! how good is God ! Oh ! how good and how powerful is the Lord ! He gives not only advice, but remedies also. His words are works. How is our faith hereby strengthened, and our love increased ! Thus I often call to mind how cur Lord, when a tempest had risen at sea, commanded the winds and the waves, and there came a great calm ; and I used to say then, Who is This whom all the powers of my soul obey, and who in an instant gives such dazzling light to chase away such great darkness, and makes that heart become soft which seemed before to be as hard as a stone, and who gives the water of sweet tears, where before there was so long such a great drought ? Who inspires these desires ? Who gives such courage ? What have I been thinking of that I should fear ? What is this ? I desire to serve this Lord, and I wish for nothing but to please Him. I renounce all pleasure, and ease, and every other good, save only the doing of His will, and of this good I was sure, as I can easily affirm. Since then this Lord is so powerful, as I see He is, and know He is, and since all the devils are His slaves (and of this I can have no doubt, since it is of faith), what harm can they do me, who am a servant of this Lord and King ? Why may I not have strength enough to fight with all the powers of hell ? Thus I spoke. I then took a cross into my hand, and it really seemed to me, God gave me such courage that, in a short time, I was not afraid to encounter the devils, but believed I could with that cross easily overcome them all, and thus I challenged them ; " Now, come all of you, for, being a servant of God, I wish to see what you can do against me." It is very certain I thought they were afraid of me, for I remained so quiet and so fearless of them all, that even till this day, all the fears I formerly entertained are now entirely removed. And though I have sometimes seen them, as I shall afterwards relate, yet I never feared them more ; rather did it seem that they were afraid of me. I have a certain dominion over them, given to me by the Lord of all
LIFE OP ST. TERESA. 231
creatures, so that I make no more account of the devils than of so many flies ; and they seem to me to be so cowardly, that when they see little notice is taken of them, they have no strength or power whatever. These enemies only know how to attack those who give themselves up to them ; or, they make their attacks only when God permits them, for the greater good of His servants, whom they tempt and torment. I would it might please His Majesty to make us fear Him, whom we ought to fear, and to make us understand, that we receive greater harm from one venial sin than from all the powers of hell put together : this is certainly true. But when by our affection for honors, riches, and pleasures, we give the devils hold of us, by our 1( ving and desiring that which we ought rather to abhor, then, indeed, they will do us much harm ; for we enable them to fight against us with our own arms, which we put into their hands, and with which we ought to defend ourselves. What a great pity this is! But if we now resolve to detest all these for the love of God, and to embrace His cross, and to serve Him in good earnest, the devil flies away from these resolutions, as we should dp from the plague. He is the friend of lies, and a lie itself. He will have nothing to do with one who walks in truth. But when once he sees a man's understanding obscured, he skilfully labors to obscure it still more : he helps us to blind ourselves ; and considering us only as children, he treats us as such, because he sees that we place all our satisfactisn in the vain things of this world, which are only toys fit for children : with suah he wrestles more or less as he sees cause.
May our Lord be pleased that this may never be my case •, but may He rather do me the favor to make me understand that to be ease and rest, which is indeed " true ease and true rest;" and that to be honor, which is "true honor;" and that to be pleasure, which is " true pleasure ; " and not the direct contrary to all this ; and then I care not a fig for all the devils in hell, for they will be afraid of me. I do not understand those fears by which we exclaim, " The devil — the devil ! " when we ought rather to say, " 0 my God — my God ! " and so make the devil tremble.
Do we not already know that the devil is unable to move, unless our Lord permit him ? What then is the cause of all
232 LIFE OP ST. TERESA.
our fears ? I acknowledge that I fear those more who are so frightened at the devil than I fear the devil himself, because he is quite unable to do me any harm ; whereas these others (especially if they be confessors) may put our souls to much trouble. I myself have spent so many years in such great trouble, that now I am amazed when I consider how I have been able to endure it. Blessed be our Lord, who has so truly assisted me. Amen.