CHAPTER XXIV.

THE SAINT CONTINUES THE HISTORY OF HER LIFB, AND TELLS US HOW HEll SOUL WAS IMPROVED AFTER SHE BEGAN TO OBKY HER CONFESSOR.
AFTER this confession my soul became so tractable, that it seemed there could be nothing which I would not willingly embrace : and so I soon began to change in many things, though my director did not press me much, but rather seemed to make little account of everything.
This treatment had the more effect upon me, because he guided me by the method of loving God ; and he gave me also more liberty, and told me I should not gain a reward unless I did everything through love. In the meantime I
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Continued for almost two months, using every means in my power to resist the favors and caresses of God. A change was perceptible in my outward conduct, because our Lord already began to give me courage to do certain things, which those who knew me, and especially the religious of the con vent, justly believe me incapable of overcoming, considering what I was before. Still 1 fell short of what I was obliged to by my habit and profession. By resisting the caresses of God I gained this much — that His Majesty became my in structor ; for before, it seemed that in order to dispose me for receiving caresses in prayer, I was obliged to retire, and shut myself up in a corner, as it were, so that I durst hardly stir. But afterwards I perceived how little this served my purpose ; for the more I endeavored to resist, the more did our Lord cover me over, in such a way with sweetness and glory, that I seemed to be so entirely surrounded thereby, that I could not possibly escape ; and so it was. I took sc much pains in resisting that it was quite a trouble to me ; and yet our Lord, even then, took more care to bestow favors upon me, and to express Himself much more clearly to me, during those two months, than he had formerly done, in order that I might understand the better it was no longer in my power to resist. And now I began to conceive a new kind of love for the most sacred Humanity of our Lord ; and my prayer began to settle itself, like a building which has mortar in it : I also felt more inclined to do Penance, wherein I had grown careless on account of my great infirmities. But this holy man, to whom I made my confession, told me, that some penances would do me no harm - that God had perhaps afflicted me so much as a penance, since I did not wisk to do any myself. He commanded me also to per form certain acts of mortification, which were not very agreeable to me ; still, I performed them all, because it seemed as if our Lord himself had commanded them. His Majesty gave him grace so to direct everything in such a way, that I might be glad to obey him. Then my soul be gan to feel every offence, however small it might be, which I committed against God ; and this to such a degree, that if I wore anything superfluous about me, I was unable to re collect myself till I had cast it off. I prayed much to our 19
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Lord that He would protect me, and that since I conversed with His servants He would not permit rue to fall back again, for I thought that would indeed be a great offence, and that they might lose their good name on my account.
About this time there came to Avila, Father Francis Bor gia,* who had been Duko of Gandia, and who some years before had abandoned the world, and entered the Society of Jesus. My confessor, and also the gentleman (of whom I have spoken before), wished me to speak to this Father, and give him an account of my prayer, for they knew that he was already far advanced in being highly favored and ca ressed by God ; and that as he had abandoned everything for His sake, our Lord wished to repay him even in this life. When Father Francis had heard me, he told me that raj prayer came from the Spirit of God, and that it was his opinion I should no longer resist His favors, though till then he thought I had done right in doing so. He recommended me likewise always to begin my prayer by meditating on some part of the Passion, and that if afterwards our Lord should elevate my soul, I should not resist, but suffer His Majesty to carry it away, provided however I did not en deavor to procure the rapture. Being far advanced himself in this way, he gave me both n^edicine and advice ; for in such matters experience is very important. He told me also, that it would be an error to resist any longer. These words consoled me greatly, as well as the gentleman ; for he re joiced exceedingly to hear Father Borgia say, that my prayer came from God : he always assisted me, and gave me advice as far as he could, which was very great.
About this time my confessor was ordered by his superiors to go to another place, and this circumstance troubled me much, for I thought I should become wicked again ; and it seemed impossible to find another like him. My soul ap peared as if dwelling in a desert, so very sad and fearful was she ; I knew not what to do with myself. A relation of mine took me home with her ; and I was willing to go, in order that I might find another confessor belonging to the
* See the Life of this illustrious Saint, in Alban Butler, Oct. 10. St. Francis succeeded F. Laynez (who died in 1565), as the third General of the Society.
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Society. Our Lord was pleased I should then /orm a friend ship with a certain lady, a widow of quality, and one given to prayer, who was very intimate with the Fathers of the Society. She induced me to confess to her own director, and I remained for some days in her house, for she lived near me. I was delighted to be able often to converse with those Fathers, for the mere knowledge of the sanctity of their conversation was a great advantage which my soul expe rienced. This Father began to put me in the way of greater perfection, telling me that I should omit doing nothing, that so I might give the greatest pleasure to God. This he told me with great prudence and sweetness, for my soul was not yet strong in anything, but very tender, especially in giving up certain friendships which I had then formed ; for though I did not thereby offend God, yet the affection I had for the persons was very great, and it seemed ungrateful in me to break off their friendship ; and so I told him, that since our Lord was not offended, why should I become ungrateful ? He replied, " I should do well to recommend the matter to God for some days, and to recite the hymn ' Veni Creator,' that so the Holy Ghost might enlighten me to do what was the best." Having then one day prayed a long time, and humbly besought our Lord to help me to please Him in all things, I began to recite the hymn ;. and while I was saying it, a rapture came on me so suddenly that I almost lost my self. And of this I could not doubt, for it was very evident ; and it was also the very first time our Lord gave me the favor of a rapture : then I heard these words : " I do not wish you to converse with men, but with angels." I was much amazed at this occurrence, for the commotion of my soul was great ; and these words were spoken to me in the very interior of my heart, so that they made me afraid, though, on the other hand, they gave me great consolation, which remained with me after my fears had left me ,• and this fear had, in my opinion, produced the strange novelty.
These words havo been strictly accomplished ; for never afterwards have I been able to form any fiicndship, nor to feel any consolation, or particular love for any one, except for those persons who I knew adhered to God and endeav ored to serve Him. Nor is it now in my power, neither docs
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it matter whether any of these be friends or relations ; for if I find that this or that person is not a servant of God, and not given to prayer, it is a heavy cross for me to speak with him. This is the very truth, as far as I can judge. From that day I have remained full of courage and resolution to abandon all things for God, as if He had been pleased in that moment (and it seemed to be no more than a moment) to make His servant become quite another creature. Thus there was no longer any necessity to command me in this respect, for when my confessor found me so determined, he did not venture expressly to tell me I should do it. He waited till our Lord should be pleased to do it Himself, as He did indeed. And never did I imagine I should succeed ; for already I had used some endeavors for this purpose, and so great was the affliction I endured, that I resolved to give up the attempt, as being inconvenient to continue. But now our Lord gave me both liberty and power to put it in execu tion. This circumstance I told to my confessor, and I gave up everything according as I had been commanded. It did him no little good, whom I had consulted, to behold what a resolution I had taken. May God be praised forever, who gave me in a moment that power and liberty which before I had not been able to procure with all the diligence I had used for many years ; for I had so often exerted all my strength, that my health was thereby considerably injured. But as He has accomplished it, who is all-powerful and truly the Lord of all things, I now suffer no pain Avhatever.