CHAPTER XVIII.

THE SAINT SPEAKS ON THE FOURTH DEGREE OF PRAYER.
MAY our Lord teach me some words, whereby I may be able to say something on the fourth method of drawing water. I have great need of His assistance, even more than I had when speaking of the last degree ; for there the soul finds that she is not entirely dead to the world ; and we may say so with truth, because she is still in the world. But, as I have said, she has sufficient understanding to know she is in it, and to feel her solitude : and she makes use of exterior signs to make what she feels understood. In all the pre ceding kinds of prayer which I have described, the gardener
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labors a little ; though yet in this latter kind of prayer, his labor is accompanied with so much joy and consolation to the soul, that he would be glad were it never to end ; and thus he finds no trouble at all, but rather a subject of glory. In this fourth degree there is no suffering, but only enjoying, though yet without understanding what is enjoyed. lie knows, however, that a certain good is possessed, in which all blessings are comprised ; but this good is not compre hended by him. All the senses are occupied with this joy in such a manner, that they cannot apply themselves to any thing else, either interiorly or exteriorly. Before (as I have mentioned), a certain liberty was given to them, in order that they might show some signs of the great joy they felt; but here the soul enjoys much more, beyond comparison, and can make herself understood much less, because both the body and the soul are incapable of communicating that joy : everything would then be an embarrassment, torment, and an obstacle to the repose of the soul. I say, that if there should be a union of all the powers, she cannot, even if she wished, communicate the joy she feels; and if she could, there would not be a union. How what is called " union" happens, and what it is, I am not able to explain. It is ex plained in " Mystical theology," of the terms of which I am ignorant : neither do I know what is meant by the " mind," nor the difference between mind and soul ; nor what is a " spirit :" all these seem to be one and the same thing to me ; though sometimes the soul herself springs out, like a fire which is burning, and has burned into a flame ; and sometimes this fire increases with a certain impetuosity, and the flame rises much higher than the fire : but, notwithstand ing this, it is not anything different from the fire, but it is the flame itself which is in the fire. Your Reverence will understand this subject by your learning ; I know not how to explain it better.
I wish to mention what the soul feels when she is in this divine union. Every one knows what is meant by a union, viz., when two things, Avhich before were separated, become one. 0 my Lord ! how good art Thou ! Blessed be Thou forever! May all creatures praise Thee, 0 my God! who hast loved us in such a manner, that wo are able to speak with
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truth respecting this communication, which Thou boldest with souls, even in this land of exile; and however good they may be, still Thy liberality and magnificence are great in treating with them : in fine, 0 my Lord ! it is Thine own greatness which gives these favors, considering who Thou art. 0 ! infinite Bounty, how magnificent are Thy works ! Do they not amaze those who have not their understanding so occupied with the things of this world, as to allow them time to hear and understand the truth ? Why shouldst Thou bestow such supernatural favors on souls who have so often offended Thee ? This consideration does certainly surpass my understanding ; and the more I consider it, the more I am unable to pass on further. Where can one go without being obliged to return back, since I know not how to re turn Thee thanks for such immense favors ? I help myself sometimes by speaking foolish things ; and it often happens, both after I have received these favors and when our Lord is beginning to bestow them (I have already mentioned how at the very time I am enjoying thorn, I have no power to do anything), that I thus address Him : " 0 Lord ! consider what Thou art doing : do not forget so quickly my very grievous sins ; and though Thou hast forgotten them so far as to pardon them, yet remember them, I beseech Thee, so as to put some limit to Thy favors. Do not place so precious a liquor in so broken a vessel, 0 my Creator ! since Thou hast already seen how often I have spilt it. Commit not such a precious treasure to one in whom a desire for the con solations of this life has not yet been totally extinguished, as it ought to be : if Thou shouldst commit it, it will be utterly lost. How canst Thou commit the strength of this city, and the keys of the fortress, to a cowardly commander, who, on the first attack of the enemy, is sure to Lt them enter? 0! my Eternal King! let not Thy love of me be so great, as that it should make Thee expose such precious jewels as these to danger. It seems to me, 0 my Lord ! that Thou mayest give the world occasion hereby to under value these great favors of Thine, since Thou dost place them in the hands of a creature so base, so weak, so mise rable, and of such little worth as I am. And though I now begin to labor, that I may not lose them, through Thy assist- 14*
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ance (and I have need of no little, considering who I am), yet I shall not be able, by means thereof, to gain any one else to Thee : in a word, I am a woman, and not a good one, but very wicked. It seems that these Thy talents are thus not only hidden, but even quite buried, by being put in so ungrateful a soil. Thou art not accustomed, 0 Lord ! to impart such favors and dignities to a soul, but only with a view that she may profit many others. Thou knowest, 0 Lord ! that sometimes I have begged this favor, and still beg it of Thee, with my whole heart and affection ; and I consider it fit to be content to lose the highest blessing which can be enjoyed upon earth, in order that Thou mayst be pleased to grant it to some other, who will profit more by it to Thine own greater glory." These and other such mat ters I have often thought of mentioning : but I afterwards saw my ignorance, and the little humility I possessed, for our Lord knows well what is proper for every one, and that my soul would not have had sufficient strength to save herself, unless His Majesty had bestowed on her so many favors.
I also wish to declare the graces and effects which remain in the soul by this prayer, and what she can do of herself, or if she can in any way be instrumental in bringing herself to so high a state. This elevation of the spirit or union comes with a celestial love ; in my opinion, this union is dif ferent from elevation, though yet the soul is elevated in this same union. Whoever has not experienced this last will be of a different opinion ; but yet, even though they should both be the same, our Lord works differently therein ; and by the increase which the soul receives of disengaging herself from all creatures, she seems much greater by that elevation. I have seen clearly that this is a particular favor, although (as I have said) they may both be the same, or at least, may seem so. But a small fire is as truly a fire as a great one, and yet we see there is a difference between one and the other. In a small fire it takes a long time before a small piece of iron can be made hot ; but if the fire be great, the iron, though it may also be great, will soon lose the appear ance of iron ; just so does it seem to me, in these two kinds of favors from our Lord. I know that whoever shall hav«
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arrived at these raptures will understand me well ; but he who has had no experience therein, will consider what I say to be foolish : and it may be so, for how shall such a creature as I am presume to speak on such a subject, and to make that understood which it seems impossible to think of de claring even by words? It is not strange, then, if I speak foolish things.
J>ut I believe this of our Lord (for His Majesty knows that, next to obedience, my intention is no other than to make souls desirous of obtaining so high a blessing), that He will assist me herein. !• shall say nothing of which I have not had much experience. It is quite true that when I began to write on this last degree, I thought it would be more impossible for me to treat about it, than to speak Greek, so very difficult did I find it : upon this I gave up writing, and went to communion. Oh ! virtue of obedience ! which art able to do all things : may our Lord be praised, who thus favors the ignorant. Oh, virtue of obedience ! which art able to do all things : God enlightened my understand ing, sometimes furnishing me with the words I was to use, and at other times by representing to me the manner in which I should express myself: what His Majesty was pleased to do in the former degree of prayer, so it seems that here also He wishes to declare what I myself am not able to ex press, nor do I know how. What I say is perfectly true, so that whatever is good comes from His teaching ; and what is bad, comes from that sea of misery and sin, which is myself.
But if there be any persons (and there may be many) who have arrived at these degrees of prayer with which our Lord has favored me, though so miserable a creature, and should they wish to speak on these matters with me, think ing they may perhaps have wandered out of the true road, I trust our Lord will so help His servant that she may go for ward and declare the truth.
I now wish to speak of that water which comes from heaven in such abundance, as completely and entirely to water this garden : if our Lord never failed to give this water when ever there was any want of it, it is evident what ease the gardener would enjoy ! There would be no winter, but
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always the weather would be temperate, and flowers and fruit would never be wanting : then might be seen what de light the gardener would enjoy ! But as long as we live in this world, such a state is impossible ; and we must always take care, whenever we are in want of one of the waters, to procure the other. Sometimes this water falls from heaven when the gardener thinks least of it. True it is, the water comes almost always after a long exercise of mental prayer : and by degrees our Lord catches this little bird, and places it in a nest, there to repose. And when He has seen it fly ing for a long time, that is, the soul endeavoring to seek God, and to please Him by her understanding, her will, and all her strength, then He is pleased to reward her even in this life. And how great is the reward He gives ! One mo ment's enjoyment thereof is sufficient to repay all the trials and afflictions we can endure in this life.
The soul thus going in searck of God, finds herself almost sinking under a sweet and most excessive delight, accompa nied with a kind of fainting, so that the breath begins to fail, and also all corporeal strength, not indeed attended with great pain, but in such a manner that even the hands cannot be moved ; the eyes are closed without our having any desire to close them ; and when they are open, the soul sees nothing distinctly : if she can read, she is unable to tell a letter, and she knows not how to pronounce it properly. She sees indeed there are letters, but as the understanding does not help her, she knows not how to read, though she should desire. She hears, but understands not what she hears. Thus she receives no benefit at all from her senses, but only that they will not allow her to take the full enjoy ment of her pleasure ; and accordingly they do her more harm than good. As to speaking, it is useless to attempt it, for she cannot form any words ; and even if she could, she has no strength to pronounce them ; because all her bodily strength is gone, while that of the soul is increased, that so she may the better enjoy her glory. The exterior delight which she feels is both very great and very evident. This prayer, however long it may last, produces no inconvenience, at least I feel none ; nor do I remember when our Lord be stowed this favor on me, however ill I might be, that I ever
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found myself worse : I was, on the other hand, much better. But what harm can so great a blessing do ? Its effects are so manifest, that one cannot doubt it augments the vigor of the soul, since our Lord took away all her bodily strength, though attended with such great delight, in order to leave her still greater strength.
It is true that in the beginning this feeling passes away in a short time, at least it happened so to me ;. neither can it be known by these exterior signs, nor by the absence of our senses, since this prayer passes quickly away. But still it is easily discerned by the excess of the favors received, for the heat of the sun must have been great there, since it melted every obstacle.
This point should, in my opinion, be noticed, viz., that however long the time may seem to be in which all the powers of the soul are suspended, it is in reality short : if it should continue for half an hour, that would be very long ; for my part I think I was never so long. It is true one can hardly judge how long the time is, since the person has no outward sense ; but it must be a very short time, in which some of the powers will not return again to themselves. The will is the only power which carries on the work ; the other two quickly become importunate ; but as the will remains quiet, she suspends them again, and then they remain another little while, and live again. In this manner some hours may be passed in prayer, as in reality they are ; for wher the two powers have begun to taste this celestial wine, and to be inebriated therewith, they easily lose them selves again, that so they may gain the more ; and as they accompany the will all three enjoy themselves together. But the period during which they remain entirely lost is very short ; and there is no imagination at all ; for, in my opinion, this power is also entirety lost, though they do not so entirely return to themselves, without remaining for some hours, as it were, stupid ; but God recollects them, and brings them back by little and little to Himself.
We now come to the interior of what the soul then feels ; let him declare it who knows it, for it cannot be understood, and much less expressed. I was thinking (when I wished to write these remarks, after having communicated, and having
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been engaged in this very prayer on which I am now writing) on what the soul did at that time. Our Lord addressed these words to me : " She forgets herself entirely, in order to give herself more to Me ; it is not she who now lives, but I who live in her : and this is so incomprehensible, that all she can comprehend is, — that she comprehends nothing."
He who has proved these words by experience will be able to understand something of them, for I cannot speak more clearly, since what happens here is so very obscure. I can only say, that their being united with God is represented to them : and they are so certain thereof that they cannot possibly help believing it. Here all the powers of the soul cease operating, and are suspended in such a manner that in no way can it be understood (as I have mentioned) — that they work. If the soul were thinking of some mystery, it is instantly forgotten, as if there had never been any such thought ; if she were reading, she has no remembrance of what she read, nor of what she was meditating on, and so of praying vocally in like manner. Thus, this importunate little gnat of the memory has her wings burnt here, so that she can no longer move from place to place. The will, however, is entirely occupied in loving, though it understands not how it loves. It is not known how the understanding under stands ; if it understands at all, at least it can comprehend nothing of that which it understands. To me it appears not to understand, because (as I was saying) it is not understood ; and I have not yet been able to imderstand this myself.
At first I was in such great ignorance as not to know that God was in all things ; and as He seemed to be so present to me, it appeared impossible for me to believe otherwise. Not to believe that He was there I was unable, because it seemed almost certain that I understood Him to be present. Some unlearned men told me that He was present only by His grace ; this I could not believe, because (as I have said) He appeared to me to be present ; and so I went on in trouble. But, at length, a great and learned maji, of the Order of the glorious St. Dominic, freed me frown this doubt, and told me, that not onlv was our Lord present, but that He also com municated Himself to us : these words comforted me much. We must take notice and understand that this celestial water
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is always to be considered as a most eminent favor from our Lord, for it endows the soul with most precious advantages, as I shall now mention.