CHAPTER XVI.

THE SAINT SPEAKS ON THE THIRD DEGREE OF PRATER.
I NOW wish to speak of the third water wherewith this garden is watered, for this is a running water of a river or spring, and it waters with much less labor the garden, though the distribution thereof causes some trouble. But our Lord will so help the gardener, that in some degree He will almost be the gardener Himself, and will do everything. It is a repose of all the powers, which, however, are not entirely lost, nor yet do they know how they work. The pleasure, sweetness, and delight are greater beyond comparison than in the former state ; and the soul is so engulfed in the water of grace, that she cannot go forward, nor does she know 13*
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how, nor is she willing to return back, because of the ex cessive glory she enjoys. It is as if a person were on the point of dying the death he desires, with a blest candle in his hands, for in this agony the pleasure he enjoys is more than can be expressed •, and this seems to me to be nothing more than to die almost entirely to everything in the world, that so we may enjoy God alone. I know of no other words wherewith to express this delight, or to declare it : nor does the soul know at that time what to do, whether she should speak or be silent, laugh or weep. It is a glorious kind of frenzy, a celestial folly, whereby trne wisdom is learned ; and the soul cannot have a more delightful means of regaling herself. I think it is about five or six years ago since our Lord gave me this kind of prayer often and abundantly, and then I neither understood it nor could I express it : I had therefore resolved, when I came to treat on this degree, to say little or nothing. I saw very clearly however, that it was not an entire union of all the powers of the soul, but still that it was more than could be found in the former de grees ; yet I must acknowledge, I could not determine, nor did I know in what this difference consisted. But I believe, that on account of the humility which your Reverence has shown, in, wishing to be assisted by such great simplicity as mine, our Lord gave me to-day after communicating this prayer, yet without my being able to go forward ; and He put these comparisons into my head, and taught me how to express them, and what the soul is to do in this case ; and truly I was amazed thereat, for I understood the whole sub ject in a moment. Many times I was as it were out of my self, being inebriated with this love, and yet I could never understand how it was : I knew well, however, it was from God, but I could not comprehend how He worked therein ; for in reality the powers of the mind are almost entirely united, but not so engulfed but that they still work : I have been extremely pleased at having now understood this prayer. May our Lord be blessed for having thus favored me.
These powers are then only capable of occupying them selves entirely on God ; and it appears that none of them daring to move, we could not turn away from this object without using great violence to them ; and I know not
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•whether with all our efforts we could even then do so. Many words are then spoken in praise of God, without any order, unless our Lord himself should arrange them, for here the understanding is of no use whatever. The soul would fain break forth into praises, but she cannot contain herself, and her condition is a pleasing kind of restlessness. Then the flowers begin to open and to scent the air ; then the soul would be glad if all the world could see and understand her glory, so as to praise God ; and if every one could assist her therein, that so she might give them part of her joy, not be ing able to enjoy so much herself. She seems to me to be like the person mentioned in the Gospel, who called her neighbors ; or as if she felt the admirable spirit of the royal prophet David, when he played on his harp and sung the praises of God. I am very much devoted to this glorious King, and I wish that all men were so, especially we who are sinners.
0 my God ! in what state is a soul when she finds her self raised to this degree of prayer ! She would wish to be changed into so many tongues, in order to praise Thee, 0 Lord ! She utters a thousand holy extravagances, always endeavoring to please Thee, who boldest her in this state. I know a certain person,* who, though she was no poetess, made very feeling verses " extempore," declaring the sweet pain she suffered, and these were not composed by her under standing ; but the better to enjoy that glory which gave her so delightful a pain, she complained thereof to her God, and she wished both her whole body and soul could be torn in pieces, to show the joy she feels in this pain. What torments could then be placed before her which she would not gladly endure for the love of her Lord ? She sees clearly that the martyrs did almost nothing in suffering torments, for the soul knows then that her strength comes from some other source than from herself. Uut what will she feel when she comes to herself again, and is obliged to devise the means of living in the world, and is mixed up again with its cares and occu pations ? I think I have not at all exaggerated anything
* The Saint, no doubt, alludes to herself; for being once in a rapture, she composed some sublime verses, still extant.
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respecting the joy which our Lord is pleased a soul should experience in this place of banishment, for all that I have said is very mean in comparison with the reality. Blessed be Thou, 0 Lord, forever ! may all creatures praise Thee forever Be now pleased, 0 my King ! and I humbly beseech Thee, that since even now, while I am writing, I am not out of this holy and celestial frenzy (which through Thy goodness and mercy Thou grantest to me as a favor, without any merit of mine), either all those with whom I converse may become fools for your love, or permit me no more to converse with any person, or so order, O Lord, that I may have nothing more to dp with the things of this world, or take me quite away from it. 0 my God ! this Thy servant can no longer endure so many afflictions, which she sees come upon her when she has Thee not ; if she must live, she desires to have no ease in this life, and indeed Thou dost not give her any. She desires to be free from the body ; eating is insupportable to her, and sleep afflicts her ; she sees that her whole life is passed in satisfying the body, and that now no one but Thee can truly delight her ; she seems to live against nature itself, since she desires no longer to live in herself, but in Thee. 0 my true Lord and my glory ! how light and yet how very heavy is the cross which Thou hast prepared for those who have arrived at this degree ! It is light, because it is sweet ; and it is heavy, because at certain times, no patience in the world can endure it, and yet the soul would never desire to be free from it, unless it were that she might find herself with Thee. And when she remembers that she has not served Thee in anything, but that by living she may then be able to serve Thee, she would gladly endure a burden much more heavy, and would be content not to die until the end of the world. She cares not for any rest or repose, provided she can do Thee any little service. She knows not what to desire, though she knows well that she desires nothing but Thee.
0 my son! (for you, to whom this life is directed, and who have commanded me to write it, are so humble that you wish to be called by this name), let these things be known only to yourself, when you see that I do not keep within bounds ; for no reason is able to restrain me when our Lord
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takes me out of myself. I do not believe it is I who am thus speaking, ever since I communicated this morning. It seems that I dream of what I see, and that I would be glad to see only those who are sick of this same malady which I now have myself. I beseech your Reverence to pray that we may all become fools for the love of Him, who was pleased to be called a "fool" for us. And since your Reverence tells me that you have a regard for me, I wish you may show it by disposing yourself for receiving this favor from our Lord ; for T see very few persons who do not take excessive pains for the accomplishment of their desires. But, perhaps, I may be in greater error than every one else. Do not, however, allow this, my father (for you are both a father and a son, because you are my confessor, to whom I have entrusted my soul) ; undeceive me by telling me the truth, though these truths are but seldom told.
I should be very glad, that as in these days men meet together in secret to conspire against the Divine Majesty, and to propagate their wickedness and heresies ; so we five,* who at present love each other in Christ, should also endeavor sometimes to meet together, for the purpose of undeceiving each other, for conferring on the means of reforming our selves, and of giving Go'd the greatest pleasure . for no one knows himself so well as they know who see us, provided they truly love us, and are anxious for our advancement. I mention this in secret, because no such language is used in the world; even preachers so arrange their sermons as not to give any offence ; their intention is good, but we see what the effects are, for few amend their lives. How is it that many still give scandal by their public vices, in spite of these sermons ? The reason is, I think, because preachers have too much prudence, and too little of that fire of Divine love which the apostles had, and so it sends out but little heat. I do not say it should be so great as theirs was ; but T wish it were greater than what I see now. Does your Reverence know in what it ought principally to consist ? In abhorring this life and despising honors ; and that, rather than fail in speaking the truth, and maintaining it for the glory of Gcd,
* I do not know the five to whom tbo Saint alludes.
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we should be more ready to lose all than to gain all ; and he who is willing to hazard all things for God, will be as content with the one as with the other. I say not that I am such a person, but I earnestly wish I were. Oh ! glorious liberty, to esteem as a captivity the being obliged to live and converse according to the laws of this world ! And when this favor is obtained from our Lord, there is no slave who would not venture everything, that so he might redeem himself and return to his own country. And since this is the true way, we should not loiter on the road, for we shall never be able to obtain so great a treasure until we die ; and may our Lord grant us His grace for this purpose. Your Reverence may tear in pieces what I have written if you think proper, and pardon ine, for I have been too bold.