CHAPTER XV.

SHE CONTINUES THE SAME St'll.IF.CT, AM) GIVES SOME ADVICE HOW PERSONS ARE TO ACT IN THE I'RAYKR OF Qr'ET, ETC.
LET us now return to our subject. This quiet and re collection of the soul are easily perceived, by the peace and satisfaction they produce, together with a very great pleasure and calm, as well as the sweetest delight in the soul. And now it seems to her, as she has not arrived any farther, that already there is nothing for her to desire, and that she may willingly exclaim with St. Peter, " Lord, it is good for us to be here." She dare not stir, nor move, lest the good should depart from her : sometimes she would even desire not
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to draw her breath. The poor soul understands not, that as by herself she is unable to do anything towards bringing this good to her ; so she has less power to keep it any longer than our Lord is pleased. I have already mentioned how in (his quiet and recollection the powers of the soul are not wanting ; but she is so fully satisfied with God, that though while the prayer lasts the memory and the understanding are not exempt from distractions ; yet, as the will remains united with God, the soul does not lose her quiet and calm ; but rather, by little and little she recalls the other two powers, so as to make them recollected. And though the will be not wholly engulfed in God, yet she is so occupied, without knowing how, that, however diligent these two may be, they cannot deprive her of her contentment and joy ; but rather, she goes on helping herself without any trouble, in order that this little spark of God's love may not be extinguished in her.
I beseech His Majesty to grant me grace, that I may make this point well understood ; for there are many souls who arrive at this degree of prayer, and few who go beyond it, and I know not who is in fault : but of this I am sure, there is none on the part of God ; for since His Majesty does a soul the favor of bringing her to this degree, I cannot believe he would cease to bestow many more favors upon her, were it not through some fault of her own. It is very necessary for the soul who has arrived so far, to understand the great dignity she possesses, and the great favor our Lord has bestowed upon her, and what powerful reasons she now has no longer to belong to the earth ; because it seems that His goodness has already made her an inhabitant of heaven, if she lose it not through her own fault. Wretched will she be if she turn back ; for I believe she would descend very low, just as I was doing, if the mercy of our Lord had not brought me back again ; because for the most part such a misery is, in my opinion, to be attributed to grievous faults : nor is it possible to fall from so great a good, without great blindness to such an evil. I therefore beseech those souls, for the lo\e of our Lord, on whom His Majesty has bestowed such favors as to enable them to attain this state, to know themselves ; to estimate such a favor as it deserves, and to resolve, with
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humility and a holy presumption, not to return to the flesh- pots of Egypt. But if, through their weakness and wicked ness, and their miserable and corrupt nature, they should fall again, as I did, let them always be representing to them selves the good they have lost : let them suspect themselves, and walk with fear, — for they have reason to do so. If they return not to prayer, they will go on from bad to worse : fur this I call "a real fall," when a soul abhors that very means by which she purchased so great a good ; and it is to such souls I am speaking now. I say not that they will never offend God, or fall into sin, though it is but reasonable that those souls who have begun to receive these favors, should guard against falling as much as possible. But we are miserable creatures ; and what I earnestly advise is, not to omit prayer, for thereby we shall know what we are doing, and we shall obtain true sorrow for having offended our Lord, and strength to rise again when we have fallen. Let us be convinced, that if the soul neglect prayer, she exposes her self, in my opinion, to great danger. I know not if I understand what I am saying, because I judge of others by myself.
This kind of prayer, then, is a spark of God's true love, which our Lord begins to enkindle in the soul ; and His desire is, that she should understand what is the nature of this love, and what kind of delight it brings with it. This quiet, and recollection, and little spark, if it come from the Spirit of God, and be not a pleasure either given by the devil or procured by ourselves, however small it may be, makes a great noise. And if the soul do not extinguish it by her own fault, this it is which begins to enkindle a large fire, which (as I shall mention in the proper place) sends forth from itself flames of the most burning love of God, which His Majesty is pleased perfect souls should enjoy, though he who has experience cannot but immediately understand, that it is a thing which cannot be acquired ; but that as our nature is so desirous of pleasure, we wish to taste of every thing. ]f, however, this quiet and recollection come from the devil, we soon grow very cold again ; and however much we may desire to make the fire burn, in order to obtain this pleasure, it seems that we need only cast water on. it to quench
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jt. This spark is a sign or pledge which God gives to that soul, to show her how He chooses her for great things, if she will only make herself fit to receive them ; this is an invalu able gift, much greater than I am able to express. Deeply am I grieved, because (as I was saying) I know many souls who have arrived so far : and yet so very few have passed further on, as they ought to do, that I am ashamed to acknowledge it. There may, however, be many, for God supports us for some purpose : but I only speak of those I have seen. I would earnestly advise such not to hide their talent, for it seems God chooses them, that they may do good to many other souls, — and especially in these times, when it is so necessary for His Majesty to have stanch and resolute friends to support the weak. And let all who find they have received this favor esteem themselves strong, if they know how to correspond with he Lord, which even in this world a sincere friendship requires ; and if not, let them fear lest they do themselves some harm ; and God grant the evil may come upon no one but themselves.
In this Prayer of Quiet, the soul has nothing more to d than to remain enjoying her sweetness without making any noise. I ca.ll it " noise," if the understanding go about seeking many words and considerations, to give thanks for this benefit, and be collecting together her sins and imper fections, in order to discover she does not deserve this favor. All is in motion now : the understanding represents many things to us, and the memory is busy : and truly these powers of the soul give me at times some trouble ; and as I have a weak memory too, I cannot control them. At this time, then, the will should remain in repose, and wisely acknowledge that this is not the way to treat with God ; and that it is like throwing great logs of wood, without discretion, on a small spark, in order to extinguish it. Let her therefore acknowl edge with humility, and say, "0 Lord ! what can I do here 1 What has this slave to do with the Lord of heaven and earth ?" Or she may u.se some other loving words, such as present themselves, being firmly convinced, however, that what she says be the truth. As regards the understanding, let th soul consider it in no other light than that of a miller, as it were ; and if she be desirous of giving it a part of what she
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enjoys, or shall labor to make it recollected, she will not gain her object : tor often we see that in this union and repose of the will, the understanding is still much out of order ; and if the will cannot arrest it, is is much better to let it alone, rather than go after it. Let it remain in the enjoyment of this favor, shut up in itself, like a wise bee ; for if none of the bees should go into the hive, but be all wandering about, very little honey would be made.
A soul will lose much, if she pay not attention to this point, especially if the understanding be subtle ; for when once she begins to arrange her discourses, and to seek for reasons, she will think she has done something great, par ticularly if the discourses be eloquent. But the discourse which should be used in this prayer must be, clearly to see and acknowledge that there is no other reason why God should confer so great a favor on us than His own goodness ; to consider that we are very near Him ; to beg favors from His Majesty ; to pray for the Church ; for those who have recommended themselves to our prayers, and for the souls in purgatory : and this should be done, not by the noise of words, but by a feeling desire to be heard. The Prayer of Quiet comprehends a great deal, and more is obtained thereby than by many discourses of the understanding. Let the will, then, excite within herself some reasons (which will easily present themselves to her when she finds herself so much improved) capable of inflaming this love ; and let her make certain acts of love with respect to what she would gladly do for One to whom she owes so much, without allow ing (as I have mentioned) the understanding to make any noise, under the pretext of seeking for high and lofty thoughts. But a few little straws, — and even something less than straws, if it be possible, — presented with humility, will be much more to the purpose, and will be of greater help in enkindling the fire of divine love, than great logs of wood, — I mean, than learned discourses, — which, however beautiful they appear to us, might extinguish the fire in a few minutes. These may be good for learned men, who command me to write this book, because, by the mercy of God, all of them may attain this degree of prayer, and perhaps they might spend the time in considering some passages from Scripture.
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But though their learning could not fail of being useful to them, both before and after prayer, yet, during the time it continues, there is, in my opinion, little necessity for their learning, unless they wish to cool the fervor of the will. The reason is, because the understanding, then seeing itself so near to Light itself, is so much enlightened, that even I (though so miserable a creature) seem to be another person. And thus it has happened to me, when in the Prayer of Quiet, though I understand hardly anything of what is said in Latin, and especially in the Psalter, yet I not only under stand the verse in Spanish, but I pass further on, and delight myself in considering the meaning of the Spanish. I make an exception with regard to those who have to preach or to teach, for then it will be proper to make use of their learning, in assisting poor ignorant persons like myself; for charity is a great virtue, and so it is to help souls forward, provided that it be always done for God.
At the time when the soul is in possession of this quiet, let her rest with her true repose, and let learning be put aside ; for the time will come when it will be of service, and will be so highly esteemed, that on no account would men have neglected knowledge, were it only for the opportunity it gives them of serving His Majesty, since for this object it is very useful. But believe me, that a little attention to acquire humility and an act of this virtue, are worth more before His infinite wisdom than all the learning in the world. Here we have no need of reasoning, but only to know with sincerity what we are, and to represent ourselves with simplicity before God, who desires that the soul should make herself as dull and ignorant as she is in reality in His sight, since His Majesty humbles Himself so far as to allow her to be near His own person, though we are such miserable creatures. The understanding is likewise moved to return thanks in words very well arranged ; but the will, in the enjoyment of her calm, and not presuming, like the publican, to lift up her eyes to heaven, makes a better thanksgiving than perhaps the understanding would be able to do, by using all the powers of rhetoric. We should not, however, in this case entirely omit the use of mental prayer, nor even of vocal prayer, if we should sometimes wish to practice it, or 13
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should find ourselves able to do so ; because if the quiet be great, we can hardly help speaking without considerable pain. In my opinion, we can know when this comes from the Spirit of God, or when we procure it ourselves at the commence ment of that devotion which God gives us ; but when we wish (as I have said) to procure by ourselves this quiet of the will, no good effect is then produced ; it ends quickly, and leaves nothing but dryness behind. If it should come from the devil, a soul exercised in prayer will I think soon discover it ; for it leaves a certain restlessness and confers little humility, and makes us bat ill prepared for receiving those effects which the Spirit of God produces ; it leaves no light in the understanding, nor firmness in speaking the truth.
But this will do little or no hurt to the soul, if she direct to God the sweetness and delight she then feels : and if she also place all her thoughts and desires in Him (as I have already advised), the devil can gain nothing; yea, God will BO dispose matters, that he will lose much even by that very delight he causes in the soul ; for this very delight will help that soul, which thinks it comes from God, often to have recourse to prayer, with the desire of receiving more and more delight. But if the soul be humble and not curious, nor desirous of delights (even though they be spiritual), but be a lover of the cross, she will make little account of any pleasure the devil may cause in her ; this, however, she can not do if it come from the Spirit of God, for then she will esteem it very highly. When the devil — who is lying and deceit itself — attempts such a thing, if he see a soul humble herself by means of this delight and pleasure which she re ceives (and indeed we ought to take great care to humble ourselves in all things relating to prayer and having delights), he will not often return and tempt us, when he perceives he loses, rather than gains thereby. For this and many other reasons I mentioned in the first degree of prayer (which answers to the first method of drawing water), how very im portant it is when the soul enters first upon prayer, to begin to disengage herself from all kind of pleasure, and to be de termined only to help our Lord to carry His cross, like brave knights who are resolved to serve their king gratis, since they are already sure He will reward them ; and so we must
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turn our eyes to that true and everlasting kingdom which we are endeavoring to possess.
It is very necessary to have these considerations always before our eyes, especially in the beginning, for afterwards wo become quite convinced, that instead of endeavoring to remember how quickly everything ends, that all pleasures are nothing, and that worldly rest is not to be esteemed or desired, we rather find it necessary to forget such thoughts in order to live. This seems a very unworthy consideration, and so it is : for they who are more advanced would take it for an affront, and would even blush at themselves if they thought they had forsaken the pleasures of this life because they were one day to have an end ; for were they to last even forever, yet these souls would rejoice to leave them for God's sake ; the more perfect they were, the more they would rejoice ; yea, the longer these pleasures lasted, the more would they rejoice in leaving them. The love of God, which is great in these souls, operates these effects; but for those who are commencing, this point is very important (and they must not consider of little value), to leave all pleasures for God ; for the benefits which are gained by this means are very great, and therefore do I insist upon this matter so much ; for those even who are most experienced in prayer it is necessary to attend to this point, for there are times in which God wishes to try them, nay, when He seems even to have forsaken them; for, as I have before said, and I do not wish to have my words forgotten, in the life that we live the soul does not increase as the body does, though we say she does ; and this is true to a certain extent, for after a child has grown and become a man, he does not again grow less nor has he a little body : but with regard to the soul, our Lord wishes it to be otherwise, according to what 1 have seen in myself, though I know nothing with regard to others. This ought to humble us for our greater good, and in order that we may not grow negligent while we live in this exile, for he who stands the highest ought to fear the most, and trust himself the least. There are times, when even those whose will is so united with the Divine will, that they would rather suffer all kinds of torments, and a thousand deaths, than commit the least imperfection, are so violently attacked
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by temptations and persecutions, that in order to avoid com- iiiitting sin, and to keep themselves from offending God, it is necessary for them to make use of the first arms of prayer, and to consider again and again how all things come to an end, that there is a heaven and a hell, and soon with regard to other points of the like nature. But to return to what I was saying : in order to free one's self from the deceits of the devil, and from those false pleasures he makes us feel in prayer, it is very necessary to commence with a resolution not to desire these pleasures, but to walk in the way of the cross, since our Saviour himself has shown us the road which leads to perfection in these words — •' and follow me." He is our pattern ; and whoever follows His advice, merely with a view to please Him, need not fear anything ; and by the profit which they see they have gained in themselves, they will easily discover the devil does not delude them ; and though they should relapse, yet one proof will remain, that our Lord has been there, viz., that they will ijuickly rise again, and this is what I shall now declare.
When it comes from the Spirit of God, there will be no necessity to go in search of reasons for acquiring humility and confusion, because our Lord himself gives them in a manner very different from what we ourselves can procure by our mean considerations, all of which are nothing in com parison with that true humility, and with that light which our Lord here gives us ; and these produce in us such a deep confusion that they annihilate us. The knowledge which God gives us, that we may understand we have no good of ourselves, is very easily perceived ; and this the more, the greater the favors are. It also excites a great desire of ad vancing in prayer, and of not omitting this duty on account of any trouble which may happen to us. It produces a cc n- fidence that we shall be saved, united however with fear and humility. It immediately drives away all servile fear from the soul, and puts in its place a filial fear, which is much stronger. She now sees that she begins to have a love for God, which is far from being in'erested, and she desires op portunities for solitude, that so she may the better enjoy that good. In a word (not to weary myself too much), this is the beginning of all good things, a state in which the flowers
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are almost on the point of blossoming ; and this the soul sees very clearly. Then she cannot but believe that God is with her, till she sees herself guilty of faults and imperfections ; then she fears everything, and it is proper she should, though there are souls to whom it is more useful to believe for cer tain that God is with them, than to have all the fears in the world, because if the soul of herself be loving and grateful, the remembrance of the favor which God conferred upon her is more efficacious in turning her to God than the representa tions of all the torments of hell ; at least, this happened to myself, though so wicked.
As for the signs of a good spirit, I will speak of them more in detail hereafter ; now I cannot do so, for it costs me a great deal of trouble to have them drawn out in a clear, legible form ; but I hope that, by the divine grace, I shall be able to say something to the purpose ; for, besides the experience whereby I have come to understand many things, I have learned something from some very learned men, and from very holy persons, to whom it is proper to give credit ; let not other souls then be so afflicted as I was, when they shall have arrived, through the goodness of our Lord, at this state.