CHAPTER XIV.

THE SAINT BEGINS TO EXPLAIN THE SECOND DEGREE OF PRAYER.
HAVING already mentioned with what labor this garden is to be watered, and what strength is required to draw the water from the well, I will now explain the second way of drawing up the water ; for the Master of the garden wishes that by means of the wheel and buckets the gardener may be able to draw more water with less trouble, and may also be enabled to take a little rest, without being continually obliged to be at work. Now this method, when applied to prayer, which is called the " Prayer of Quiet," is what I wish to speak upon.
Here the soul begins to be recollected and to touch upon the supernatural, for it is impossible she can acquire this gift by her own power. It is true, that sometimes she may grow weary in turning round the wheel, working with the understanding, and filling the buckets ; but as the water is higher in this second way, she has less labor than she had in drawing the water out of the well ; I say the water is nearer to her, because grace is given to her, to know herself more clearly. This is done by collecting within herself all
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her faculties,* that so she may enjoy the divine sweetness with more pleasure. These, however, do not remain dor mant, nor are they lost ; the will alone is occupied in such a way that she is taken captive without knowing how, and only gives her consent that God may hold her in captivity, as one who knows well what it is to be a captive of Him whom she loves. 0 Jesus, my Lord ! how powerful is your love, since it holds our love so fast bound as not to give us, for an in stant, the liberty of loving any person or thing but You !
The other two faculties assist the will, that so she may be made capable of enjoying so great a good, although some times it happens that even when united with the will they are a great hindcrance to it ; but, in this case, the will must not disturb herself, but regain in her quiet and pleasure ; for if the soul be anxious to re-collect all her faculties, both she and they will lose the good they might otherwise gain. They are like pigeons, which, not being content with the food the owner gives them from the pigeon-house, without their laboring for it, go and seek some elsewhere, but finding it not good, they soon return ; and thus they come and go to see if the will might give them any part of that which it enjoys : and if our Lord should be pleased to cast them some food, they stay ; if not, they go away again to seek for it. It is thus that these faculties act with regard to the will, thinking they are of some use to it ; but sometimes the memory and imagination injure it, by wishing to represent to it the happiness it enjoys : let the will then act towards them in the way I shall mention afterwards.
Whatever happens in the Prayer of Quiet is accompanied with very great consolations, and gives so little trouble, that however long it may last it never tires the soul, because the understanding only acts at intervals, though it draws much more water than it drew from the well. The tears which God gives it then are tears of joy, which, though we feel, wo procure not. This water, the source of great blessings ami favors which our Lord gives us therein, makes our virtues increase incomparably more than in the first degree of prayer, because the soul now begins to rise out of her misery, and
* The will, memory, and understanding.
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to have some small glimpse of the joys of eternal glory ; and this, I think, makes her increase the more in virtue, because she approaches nearer to that true power whence all virtues come, that is, God. Then His Majesty hegins to communi cate Himself to this soul, and He wishes her to feel how he communicates Himself. When she has arrived at this point, she immediately begins to lose all appetite for the things of this world, and to despise them, because she sees clearly that even one moment of these pleasures cannot be purchased here below : and that no riches, nor dominions, nor honors, nor delights are capable of giving such pleasures, even for one instant, because the pleasures are true, and we feel that they satisfy us. With regard to the pleasures of the world, it seems even a wonder to me that we can tell in what their enjoyment consists, because " Yes and No" are never want ing : but in the other pleasures, everything is " Yes" all the time : " No" comes in afterwards ; for then she sees that the matter has come to an end, and that she cannot recover it again, nor does she know how. And though she should almost kill herself with doing penance and praying, and using all other means, yet all would be of little use unless our Lord was pleased to grant the favor. But God, for the sake of His greatness, is pleased this soul should now understand, that His Majesty being so very near her, there is no need of sending any messengers to her, but only for she herself to speak with Him, though not by word of mouth, because be ing so near her, lie understands her even by the very move ment of her lips.
It may appear unnecessary for me to speak in this manner, since we know well that our Lord always hears us, and is always with us : there can be no doubt of this truth. But our Lord and Emperor wishes we should here understand that He knows us, and that we should feel the effects of His presence : that He particularly wishes to begin to work in our soul by giving her a great interior and exterior satis faction, and by showing her the difference there is (as I have declared) between those heavenly delights and the pleasures of the world ; for the former seem to fill up the void which our sins have made in the soul. And this satisfaction re sides in the most intimate part of the soul, and she knows
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not whence nor how it has come ; and often she knows not what to do, nor what to desire, nor what to ask for. Therein she seems to find all good things united together, though she knows not what she has found, nor do I know how to make her state understood; for many things learning would be necessary, in order to make those who are ignorant under stand, that there are general helps and particular helps ; and that by the latter our Lord wishes the soul to see Him almost as it were with her own eyes, and to see many other things also, which cannot be properly expressed by me. But as proper persons are to see what I write, and to examine if there be any errors in it, I do not feel so uneasy because it will go into the hands of those who will understand the mat ter, and who will blot out whatever has been incorrectly ex pressed ; and I know that through want of learning and piety I may easily be found fault with.
I wish, however, to explain myself, because a soul to whom God begins to show these favors, as soon as she applies her self to prayer, does not understand them, nor does she know what to do with herself. If God should conduct her along the path of fear, as He has conducted me, she will experience great affliction, unless she meet with some one who can un derstand her ; then her joy will be abundant to see herself well described, and she will know clearly that she is walk ing along the right road. It is also a great blessing to know what one ought to do in each of these degrees, that so we may go on with profit ; for I myself suffered much, and lost a great deal of time, because 1 knew not what to do. I have, therefore, great compassion for those souls who find themselves alone when they have arrived at this point ; for though I have read many spiritual books which treat on this subject, yet it is explained in a very obscure manner ; and hence, unless the soul be properly exercised in prayer, she will find it difficult to understand them, though they may explain the point at some length.
I am very desirous our Lord would grant me the favor to relate the effects which are produced in the soul by these things, when they begin to be supernatural, that so she may know when these effects come from the Spirit of God. When I say, " that she may know," I mean as far as we can under- 12*
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stand in this world, though we shall always do well to walk on with fear and circumspection ; for though these effects come from God, yet sometimes the devil can transform him self into an angel of light ; and if a soul be not well ac quainted with prayer, she will not understand this stratagem : indeed, to understand it properly, she must have arrived at the highest degree of prayer.
The little time I have to spare gives me but little help, and therefore it is necessary for His Majesty Himself to assist me ; for I must be engaged with the community, be sides being occupied with many other things. I am also at present living in a house which has only just commenced, as I shall afterwards mention. I am writing, therefore, with out having any repose, and only by little and little ; but I wish I had more leisure ; for when our Lord helps us by His grace to do a thing, it is always done better, and with more facility ; for then it seems as if we had a pattern before our eyes, which we have only to follow. But when the Divine Spirit is not with us, then we no more understand this language than if it were gibberish (as the expression is), although we have spent many years in prayer. Hence it seems a very great advantage for me to be in prayer when I write ; for then I see clearly it is not I who speak, nor does my understanding direct me, so that after I have written I could not tell how I wrote : this has happened several times.
Let us now return to our garden, and consider how these trees begin to bud and to flower, that afterwards they may give fruit; and how the pinks and other flowers bloom and diffuse a sweet smell. This comparison pleases me much ; for often in my beginnings — I mean at the commencement of my life, as I shall mention afterwards (and may our Lord grant that now I may have begun to serve His Majesty), — it was a great delight for me to consider my soul as a gar den, in which our Lord walked up and down. I besought Him to increase the odor of those little flowers of virtue, which seemed wishful to bud, that so they might contribute to His honor and glory ; and that He would support them, since I desired nothing for myself, and would prune them as He pleased, for I already knew they would grow the bet-
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ter afterwards. I said, I besought Him to " prune" them, because at certain periods the soul has no remembrance of this garden, but everything seems to be so withered, as if no water would come any more to refresh it, and as if there never had been any virtue at all in the soul. Thus she suf fers much affliction, because our Lord wishes the poor gar dener to think, that all the care is lost which he had em ployed in watering and taking care of his garden. Then, however, is the time truly to cut up by the root those small weeds which had hitherto remained in the soul, by making us understand that no diligence of ours will avail, if God take away from us the water of His grace, that so we may not esteem our nothingness — or, rather, our less than no thingness. Hereby great humility is gained, and the flowers bloom with fresh beauty. 0 Thou, my Lord and Sovereign Good ! — (and I know not how to utter these words without tears, and without feeling great pleasure in my soul) — how desirous Thou art to be thus amongst us ! And Thou art also in the Blessed Sacrament, which may most truly be be lieved, because Thou hast said so : and with great truth also we can make this comparison ; for if no fault on our part prevent us, we can enjoy ourselves with Thee ! And Thou art likewise pleased to be with us, since Thou hast said, " My delight is to be with the children of men." 0 my Lord, what mean these words ? Whenever I hear them, they always give me great consolation ; and so it was even when I was very wicked. Is it possible, 0 Lord ! there should be any soul which, after having received such favors and blessings from Thee, and having understood it was Thy delight to be with her, should again offend Thee — after all these favors, and so many great proofs of the love Thou bearest her, as to leave no doubt it is so, since it is manifest by the effects ? Yes ! it is certain there is such a soul who has offended Thee, not once but often — and this is myself. I be seech Thy goodness, 0 Lord, that I may be the only soul who has been guilty of such base wickedness, and such ex cessive ingratitude, though even from this my wickedness, Thy infinite goodness has been able to draw some advantage ; and the greater my misery was, the more has the greatness of Thy mercies shone forth. What strong reasons, then,
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have I not to celebrate thoso mercies forever ? I beseech Thee, 0 my Lord, that it may be so : and that I may sing Thy praises forever, since now Thou hast been pleased to show such very great favors to me, that those who see them are amazed ; and often they carry me quite out of myself. Were I to be without Thee, 0 my Lord ! I should be fit for nothing but to behold the flowers of this garden become withered in such a way, that this miserable body of mine would bo again turned into a dunghill, as it was formerly. But in order that I may praise Thee the better, do not per mit, 0 Lord, this soul to be lost, which Thou hast purchased with so many labors, and which Thou hast so often re purchased again and again, and hast saved from the teeth of the terrible dragon.
I trust your lleverence will pardon me for thus wandering from the subject ; do not wonder at it, for it happens so according to the nature of the reflections the soul makes when I write : hence it is sometimes very difficult to forbear breaking out into praises of God, when, as I am writing, all that I owe Him are represented to me. And I believe this will not be displeasing to your Reverence ; for it seems to me, that we may both chant one song, though in a different manner ; for I owe much more to God than you do, because He has pardoned me more sins, as your Reverence knows well