CHAPTER XII.

THE SAINT CONTINUES HER DISCOURSE ON THE FIRST DEGREE OF PRAYER.
THAT which I intended to be understood in the last chap ter — (though yet I spoke at some length on other points, because I considered it necessary to do so) was, how much we could acquire ourselves, and how in this first part of our devotion we may in some degree help ourselves ; because by thinking and pondering on what our Lord suffered for us, we are moved to compassion, and the sorrow and tears which spring therefrom are very sweet. To think also of the eternal glory we hope for, and of the love our Lord bore us, and of 11 is resurrection, — this excites joy within us, which is neither wholly spiritual nor sensual, but it is a virtuous kind of joy, and our sorrow is very meritorious. Of this nature are all those things which cause devotion, acquired in part by the understanding, though there be no merit or gain therein unless God give it. But it will be very proper for a soul which God has not raised to this state, not to endeavor to aspire any higher ; and let this point Le well remembered, for otherwise it may cause her ruin. In this degree she may perform several good actions, by resolving to do many things for God, and by awakening her love of Him, and other such actions, which help her to increase in virtue, according to the rules given in a book called, " The Art of serving God : " this is a very good book, and very proper for those who are in this state, because the understanding acts. She may also represent herself as in the presence of Christ, and to accustom herself to be greatly enamored with His
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sacred Humanity, and to be always carrying Him along with her, and speaking to Him : she may likewise beg His assist ance in her necessities, and even complain to Him of her afflictions, and rejoice with Him in her consolations, but yet so as not to forget Him on their account. All this may be done without making use of any set form of prayer, but only words conformable with her desires and necessities. This is an excellent way of advancing in a very short time ; and whoever will endeavor to keep himself in this holy company, and to make a good use of it, and also to conceive a true love for our Lord, to whom we owe so much, such a one I consider as having already advanced. For this purpose, we must not in any way be troubled that we have no sensible devotion, as I have mentioned already, but rather we should give thanks to our Lord for making us desirous of pleasing Him, however weak our works may be. This method of carrying Christ with us in all the four degrees is very useful : it is a most secure means of advancing in the first degree, and of quickly arriving at the second degree of prayer ;. and of being free, in the two last, from those dangers which the devil may place in our way.
I have now mentioned what we can do : if any one should desire to pass from this state, and should raise his mind to the hope of feeling certain consolations which God does not grant him, this, in my opinion, would be to lose both the one and the other ; for as these consolations are supernatural, when the understanding is lost, the soul then remains desolate and in great dryness. And since the whole building is grounded on humility, the nearer we approach to God, the more shall we advance in this virtue ; and if we do not, all is lost. It seems to me a kind of pride when we desire to advance higher, since God bestows too much honor upon us (considering who we are) — to allow us to be so near Him.
But it must not be understood as if I spoke against raising up our thoughts to the consideration of heavenly things, or of God and His wisdom, and the wonders which are above. And though 1 never did this myself, for (as I have said) I have no ability for it ; and I knew I was so wicked, that God conferred a favor on me in enabling me to think even of earthly things, that so I might understand this truth (and
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this too was great boldness on my part, and how much more would it be to consider heavenly things) ; yet, other persons may profit thereby, especially if they have learning and knowledge, which, in my opinion, are a great treasure, if accompanied with humility, for the exercise of prayer. Not long ago I witnessed the truth of these words in some learned men, who began a short time since, and now they have made very great progress ; and this makes me feel an earnest desire that all such may become spiritual men, as I shall declare afterwards.
What I have been saying about not raising ourselves higher than God wishes to raise us, is a spiritual mode of speaking : he who has not experience therein will understand me ; but if he cannot comprehend what I say, I know not how to express it. In " Mystical theology,"* on which 1 began to speak, the understanding ceases to work, because God suspends it, as I shall declare more at length further on, if I be able, and God give me His grace. But to pre sume, or even to think of suspending it ourselves, this is what I am saying we must not do ; neither must we omit working therewith, because we should then bccon.e cold and stupid, and not obtain what we desire ; but when our Lord Stops and suspends it, He supplies it wTith matter to occupy itself, and ravish it with astonishment, so that without any reasoning, it then understands more during the short space of a "Credo," than we ourselves could understand, with all possible study, during many years. But to exercise the powers of the mind, and at the same time to think of making them inactive, is foolishness. And I repeat it, though it may not be understood, that this is no great act of humility ; for though it be not a fault, yet it is trouble thrown away, for which there will be a punishment, and the soul finds her self possessed with a certain slight disgust : just as when a person is about to take a leap, and is held back by others, he seems to have employed all his strength, and yet finds himself unable to accomplish what he had desired to do. And so, whoever will consider the matter, will find, by the tlcnder gain he has made, some little want of humility, of
* On this subject see the Prefac*. 11
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•which I was speaking, because this virtue has the excellent property, viz., that there is no action, if it be accompanied with humility, which will ever leave the soul in disgust. I think what I have said has been understood, though perhaps only by myself: may our Lord open the eyes of those who read it; for however small may be their experience, they will soon understand what I have been speaking about.
For several years I continued to read many things, and yet I understood none of them ; and there was also a long time during which, though God gave me ability to under' stand, I was not able to express mv.-elf so as to be understood ; and this cost me no little labor: but when His Majesty wishes, He teaches us everything in a moment, and this, too, in such a way as perfectly to astonish me. One thing I can say with truth, that though I spoke with many spiritual per sons, who wished to make me understand what our Lord im parted to me, in order that I might be able to declare it .to others; yet it is certain my dulness was so great, that their discourse was no use to me. And perhaps our Lord, as His Majesty was always my master (and may He be blessed for ever, since it is confusion enough to be able to say this with truth), was pleased I should have no one to thank but Him self ; and without my desiring or wishing it (for in this point I was in no way curious, because it might have been a virtue to be so : but I was curious in other vanities), He gave me to understand it in a moment, that so I might be able to de clare it to others ; and this, too, in such a manner, that men were amazed thereat; and I myself was more than my con fessors, because I knew my dulness better than they did. It is not long since this h; ppened ; and so I do not endeavor to know those things which our Lord has not taught me, only so far as they relate to my conscience.
I again repeat, that it is very important not to elevate our spirit, unless our Lord please to do it, and this is very soon understood. For women, especially, it is more dangerous, as the devil may bring some illusion upon them. But still 1 consider it certain, our Lord will not permit the devil to do him any harm who shall endeavor to approach His Majesty with humility ; rather will he derive more profit and advan tage from that very thing, by means of which the devil
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thought of ruining him. I have thus entered into some long details, bjeause the road of beginners is more beaten, and because the admonitions I have given are very important. I acknowledge, however, that others have written better than myself on the subject; and it is with great shame and con fusion I have written, though not with so much as I ought to have. May our Lord be praised by all men, since He permits so miserable a creature as I am to speak of things relating to Him, and these so high.