Section 12

227. For many there are, who, in the day of grace and mercy, despise those things which are indeed the birthright to heaven, who yet when the deciding day appears, will cry as loud as Esau, Lord, Lord, open to us ; but then, as Isaac would not repent, no more will God the Father, but will say, / have blessed these, yea, and they shall be blessed; but as for you, Depart, you are the workers of iniquity. Gen. xxvii. 32 ; Luku xiii. 25-27.
228. When I had thus considered these scriptures,
and found that thus to understand The hinder part , ,.
of the tempest them, was not against, but according only remained tQ other scriptures . this stiH added
further to my encouragement and comfort, and also
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THE THUNDER WAS GONE
gave a great blow to that objection, to wit, That the scriptures could not agree in the salvation of my soul. And now remained only the hinder part of the tempest, for the thunder was gone beyond me, only some drops did still remain, that now and then would fall upon me ; but because my former frights and anguish were very sore and deep, therefore it oft befall me still, as it befalleth those that have been scared with fire. I thought every voice was, Fire / fire ! Every little touch would hurt my tender conscience.
229. But one day, as I was passing in the field, and that too with some dashes on my conscience, fearing lest yet all was not right, suddenly this sentence fell upon my soul, Thy righteous- ness is in heaven ; and methought withal, I saw with the eyes of my soul, Jesus Christ at God's right hand : there, I say, was my righteousness ; so that wherever I was, or whatever I was doing, God could not say of me, He wants My righteousness ; for that was just before Him. I also saw moreover, that it was not my good frame of heart that made my righteousness better, nor yet my bad frame that made my righteousness worse ; for my righ^ous- ness was Jesus Christ Himself, The same yesterday, to-day, and for ever. Heb. xiii. 8.
230. Now did my chains fall off my legs indeed; I was loosed from my afflictions and irons; my
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GRACE ABOUNDING
temptations also fled away; so that from that time those dreadful scriptures of God left off to trouble
My chains fall me : now went * a^so home rejoicing, off my legs for the grace and love of God; so
when I came home, I looked to see if I could find that sentence ; Thy righteousness is in heaven, but
I went home COuld not find such a Saying ; where-
rejoicing fore my heart began to sink again,
only that was brought to my remembrance, i Cor. i. 30, Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption ; by this word I saw the other sentence true.
231. For by this scripture I saw that the Man
Christ Jesus, as He is distinct from swlltj/a7peace us> as touching His bodily presence, so with God fje is our righteousness and sanctifica-
through Christ 6_
tion before God. Here therefore I lived, for some time, very sweetly at peace with God through Christ; Oh! methought, Christ! Christ! there was nothing but Christ that was before my eyes : I was not now (only) for looking upon this and the other benefits of Christ apart, as of His blood, burial, or resurrection, but considering Him as a whole Christ ! as He in whom all these, and all His other virtues, relations, offices and operations met together, and that He sat on the right hand of God in heaven.
232. 'Twas glorious to me to see His exaltation, and the worth and prevalency of all His benefits, and
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'HIS VICTORY ALSO MINE*
that because now I could look from myself to Him and should reckon, that all those graces of God that now were green on me, were yet but like those cracked groats and four- pence-halfpennies that rich men carry g£ist's exalta" in their purses, when their gold is in their trunks at home : Oh ! I saw my gold was in my trunk at home! In Christ my Lord and Saviour. Now Christ was all ; all my wisdom, all my righteous- ness, all my sanctification, and all my redemption.
233. Further, the Lord did also lead me into the mystery of union with the Son of
God; that I was joined to Him, that
I was flesh of His flesh, and bone of union with the
Son of God
His bone; and now was that word sweet to me in Eph. v. 30. By this also was my faith in Him, as my righteousness, the more con- firmed in me ; for if He and I were one, then His righteousness was mine, His merits mine. His victory also mine. Now could I see myself in heaven and earth at once : in heaven by my Christ, by my head, by my righteousness and life, though on earth by my body or person.
234. Now I saw Christ Jesus was looked upon of God ; and should also be looked upon by us, as that common or public person, in whom all the whole body of His elect are always to be considered and reckoned ; that we fulfilled the law by Him, died by Him, rose from the dead by Him, got the victory over
GRACE ABOUNDING
sin, death, the devil, and hell, by Him ; when He died, we died, and so of His resurrection. Thy dead men shall live, together with My dead body shall they arise, saith He. Isa. xxvi. 1 9. And again, after two days He will revive us, and the third day He will raise us up, and we shall live in His sight. Hosea vi. 2. Which is now fulfilled by the sitting down of the Son of Man on the right hand of the Majesty in the heavens ; according to that to the Ephesians, And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. Eph. ii. 6.
235. Ah! these blessed considerations and scrip-
I am moved to tures> with many OtherS °f like Praise nature, were in those days made to
spangle in mine eyes ; so that I have cause to say, Praise ye the Lord. Praise God in His sanctuary, praise Him in the Jirmament of His power ; praise Him for His mighty acts : praise Him according to His excellent greatness. Psalm cl. i, 2.
236. Having thus in a few words given you a taste of the sorrow and affliction that my soul went under, by the guilt and terror that this my wicked thought did lay me under; and having given you also a touch of my deliverance therefrom, and of the sweet and blessed comfort that I met with after- wards, which comfort dwelt about a twelvemonth with my heart, to my unspeakable admiration : I will now (God willing), before I proceed any farther^ give you in a word or two, what, as I conceive, was
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MY SOUL MUCH IN PRAYER
the cause of this temptation ; and also after that, what advantage, at the last, it became unto my soul. 237. For the causes, I conceived they were princi- pally two: of which tWO also I was The cause of my deeply convinced all the time this temptations trouble lay upon me. The first was, for that I did not, when I was delivered from the temptation that went before, still pray to God to keep me from the temptations that
were to come ; for though, as I can temptations that
0 . were to come
say m truth, my soul was much in prayer before this trial seized me, yet then I prayed only, or at the most principally, for the removal of present troubles, and for fresh discoveries of His love in Christ, which I saw afterwards was not enough to do ; I also should have prayed that the great God would keep me from the evil that was to come.
238. Of this I was made deeply sensible by the prayer of holy David, who when he was under present mercy, yet prayed that God would hold him back from sin and temptation to come ; Then, saith he, shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent
from the great transgression. Psalm xix. 13. By this very word was I galled and condemned quite through this long temptation.
239. That was also another word that did much condemn me for my folly, in the neglect of this duty. Heb. iv. 1 6 : Let us therefore come boldly
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GRACE ABOUNDING
unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, There was an^ fin(^ grace t° ^}e^P m t'tme °f need.
fno^rword This I had not done, and therefore that did much \
condemn me for was thus suffered to sin and fall, ac- cording to what is written, Pray that ye enter not into temptation. And truly this very thing is to this day of such weight and awe upon me, that I dare not, when I come before the Lord, go off my knees, until I intreat Him for help and mercy against the temptations that are to come ; and I do beseech thee, reader, that thou learn to beware of my negligence, by the afflictions, that for this thing I did for days, and months, and years, with sorrow undergo.
240. Another cause of this temptation was, that I had tempted God ; and on this manner did I do it : Upon a time my wife was great with child, and before her full time was come, her pangs, as of a woman in travail, were fierce and strongupon her, even as if she would have fallen immediately in labour, and been delivered of an untimely birth : now at this very time it was, that I had been so strongly tempted to question the being of God ; wherefore, as my wife lay crying by me, I said, but with all secrecy imagin- able, even thinking in my heart, Lord, If Thou wilt now remove this sad affliction from my wife, and cause that she be troubled no more therewith this night (and now were her pangs just upon her), then I shall know that Thou canst discern the most secret thoughts of the heart.
'34
HE KNEW MY SECRET THOUGHTS
241. I had no sooner said it in my heart, but her pangs were taken from her, and she was cast into a deep sleep, and so continued till morning ; at this I greatly marvelled, not knowing what to think ; but after I had been awake a good while, and heard her cry no more, I fell asleep also ; so when I awaked in the morning, it came upon me again, even what I had said in my heart the last night, and how the Lord had showed me, that He knew my secret thoughts, which was a great astonishment unto me for several weeks after.
242. Well, about a year and a half afterwards,
that wicked sinful thought, of which
, f i That wicked
I have spoken before, went through thought, 'Let
my wicked heart, even this thought, Let Christ go, if He will: so when I was fallen under the guilt for this, the remembrance of my other thought, and of the effect thereof, would also come upon me with this retort, which also carried rebuke along with it, Now you may see that God doth know the most secret thoughts of the heart.
243. And with this, that of the passages that were
betwixt the Lord, and His servant -,. , r tl . . i I am like Gideon
Lriaeon, fell upon my spirit ; how be- cause that Gideon tempted God with his fleece, both wet and dry, when he should have believed and ventured upon His word ; therefore the Lord did afterwards so try him, as to send him against an
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GRACE ABOUNDING
innumerable company of enemies, and that too, as to outward appearance, without any strength or help. Judges vi. 7. Thus He served me, and that justly, for I should have believed His word, and not have put an if upon the all-seeingness of God.
244. And now to show you something of the
advantages that I also have gained pircelby°tkheen tO b7 this temptation : and first, by this glory of the holi- j was made continually to possess in ness of God it i_ i_
my soul a very wonderful sense both
of the blessing and glory of God, and of His beloved Son ; in the temptation that went before, my soul was perplexed with unbelief, blasphemy, hardness of heart, questions about the being of God, Christ, the truth of the word, and certainty of the world to come : I say, then I was greatly assaulted and tormented with atheism, but now the case was otherwise ; now was God and Christ continually before my face, though not in a way of comfort, but in a way of exceeding dread and terror. The glory of the holiness of God, did at this time break me to pieces ; and the bowels and compassion of Christ did break me as on the wheel ; for I could not consider Him but as a lost and rejected Christ, the remembrance of which, was as the continual breaking of my bones.
245. The scriptures also were wonderful things unto me ; I saw that the truth and verity of them were the keys of the kingdom of heaven; those
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TEMPTATION AND PROMISE
that the scriptures favour, they must inherit bliss; but those that they oppose and con- j saw that ^ demn, must perish for evermore : Oh!
this word, For the scriptures cannot the keys of be broken, would rend the caul of my heart: and so would that other, Whose sins ye remit, they are remitted ; but whose sins ye retain, they are retained. Now I saw the apostles to be the elders of the city of refuge. Joshua xx. 4. Those that they were to receive in, were received to life; but those that they shut out, were to be slain by the avenger of blood.
246. Oh ! one sentence of the scripture did more
afflict and terrify my mind, I mean
, . One sentence of
those sentences that stood against me scripture did
(as sometimes I thought they every S3gg£»
one did) more, I say, than an army army of forty ' J1 J thousand men
of forty thousand men that might
have come against me. Woe be to him against whom the scriptures bend themselves !
247. By this temptation I was made to see more into the nature of the promises than ever I was before ; for I lying now trembling under the mighty hand of God, continually torn and rent by the thundering of His justice : this made me with careful heart, and watchful eye, with great fearful- ness to turn over every leaf, and with much diligence, mixed with trembling, to consider every sentence, together with its natural force and latitude.
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GRACE ABOUNDING
248. By this temptation also I was greatly holden
off from my former foolish practice of Like a man . ' « i i r •
sinking, I would putting by the word or promise when catch at all I saw . . • j r
it came into my mind ; for now,
though I could not suck that comfort and sweetness from the promise, as I had done at other times ; yet, like to a man sinking, I would catch at all I saw : formerly I thought I might not meddle with the promise, unless I felt its comfort, but now 'twas no time thus to do ; the avenger of blood too hardly did pursue me.
249. Now therefore I was glad to catch at that God hath a word which yet I feared I had no bigger mouth to ground or right to own ; and even to
speak with, than f , &. '.
I a heart to con- leap into the bosom of that promise that yet I feared did shut its heart against me. Now also I should labour to take the word as God hath laid it down, without restraining the natural force of one syllable thereof: O! what did I now see in that blessed sixth of John : And him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out. John vi. 37. Now I began to consider with myself, that God hath a bigger mouth to speak with, than I had a heart to con- ceive with ; I thought also with myself, that He spake not His words in haste, or in an un- advised heat, but with infinite wisdom and judg- ment, and in very truth and faithfulness. 2 Sam. iii. 28.
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SOME GREAT ENCOURAGEMENTS
250. I should in these days, often in my greatest agonies, even flounce towards the pro- mise (as the horses do towards sound
ground^ that yet stick in the mire); concluding (though as one almost be- reft of his wits through fear) on this I will rest and stay, and leave the fulfilling of it to the God of heaven that made it. Oh ! many a pull hath my heart had with Satan, for that blessed sixth of John : I did Satan for John not now, as at other times, look prin- cipally for comfort (though, O how welcome would it have been unto me !). But now a word, a word to lean a weary soul upon, that it might not sink for ever ! 'twas that I hunted for.