I. I AM overwhelmed with confusion at speaking

on this subject, and I do not know how to fulfil my
task. The fault is yours, sisters, for you bid me under-

5 When making a fresh foundation, St. Teresa always admitted
two or three good, but poor, young girls without dowry, and she
said they were a great comfort to her. {Fuente, vol. vi. 317, n.
12.) Deposition of Isabel of Jesus.

1 Valladolid edition, ch. xvi. ; Escorial, ch. xxii.

CHAP. XV.] UNJUST BLAME. 9I

take the work — you must read it as best you can, since
I do my best to write it, and you must not criticise
its shortcomings. Such a book requires leisure : as
you know, I have so little, that I have been unable to
go on with it for a week, and I forget both what I have
already written and how I intended to continue. I
can do nothing but blame myself for my failings, and
beg you not to imitate me, by excusing yourselves, as I
am doing here. Not to exculpate ourselves when un-
justly accused is a sublime virtue,^ and very edifying
and meritorious ; but, although I have often taught
it you, and, by the mercy of God, you practise it, yet
His Majesty has never given me the grace to do so my-
self— may He grant that I may before I die ! Yet
there always seems to me some good reason for thinking
it would be better to make some excuse for myself.
This is often lawful, indeed, sometimes it would be
wrong to omit it, yet I have not sufficient humility to
do so when it is necessary. For indeed it requires great
humility to see oneself blamed without cause, and to
be silent ; we thus imitate our Lord, Who freed us
from our sins. Be most careful to act in this way, which
does us great good, while I can see no use in our ex-
culpating ourselves, unless, as I said, when we might
cause offence or scandal by not telling the truth. Any one
who is more prudent than I am will easily understand
2 Const. 30, 47.

THE WAY OF PERFECTION.

92

[chap. XV.

this. I think it is a great gain to accustom oneself to
practise this virtue, and to endeavour to obtain from
God the sincere humility that must be the result. Who-
ever is really humble ought to wish sincerely to be de-
spised,^ persecuted, and condemned for serious offences,
without any just cause. If you seek to follow our
Lord, in what better way can you do so ? No bodily
strength is needed here, nor the help of any one, save
of God.

2. I wish these great virtues, my sisters, to be both
our study and our penance. You know that I restrain
you from other severe and excessive austerities, which
if ' performed imprudently might injure your health.
Here, however, there is nothing to fear ; for however
great the interior virtues may be, they do not weaken
the body so that it cannot keep the Rule of the religious
life. These strengthen the soul, and, as I have often
told you, by constantly conquering yourselves in little
things, you may train yourselves to gain the victory in
great matters. But — how well I have written this.

® Found, ch. xxvii. 19, 20. Life, ch. xix. 12 ; xxxi. 13-17, 25.
Rel. ii. 4. Castle, M. vi. ch. i. 7-1 1 ; ch. iii. 6.

^ Saint John of the Cross gives these three rules for mortifying
the desire of honour, i . Do those things which bring thee into
contempt, and desire that others also may do them. 2. Speak
disparagingly of thyself, and contrive that others may do
so too. 3. Think humbly and contemptuously of thyself, and
desire that others may do so also. {Ascent of Mount Carmel,
bk. i. ch. xiii. 8.)

UNJUST BLAME.

CHAP. XV.]

93

and how badly I practise it ! — indeed, I have never
been tried thus in any important affair, for I never
heard any ill spoken of me that did not fall far short of
the truth, if not in that particular matter, yet often
enough in similar things : only too often in other ways
have I offended our Lord God, and I thought people
showed me great kindness in not speaking of these.®
I always prefer that they should find fault with what
I have not done, for the truth is very painful to hear ;
but for a false accusation, however grave, I care nothing,
and in minor matters I follow my natural bent, without
thinking of what is most perfect. For this reason, I wish
you to understand from the first, and I desire each
one of you to consider how much is gained by this habit
of not excusing yourselves.® I think, it can never do

® Castle, M. vi. ch. i. 12. Way of Perf. ch. xvii. 4.

® “St. Teresa was wonderfully patient under persecution.
Sometimes I used to speak to her of the calumnies uttered against
her. She would answer with perfect simplicity and sweetness :
‘ Whoever has said any harm against me has done me a great
favour,’ One day she said to me : ‘ I assure you, Father,
that whenever I hear that people have spoken ill of me, I always
pray to God for them. I beg Him to preserve their heart, their
lips, and hands from all offence ; I do not look upon them as
ill-intentioned, but I see in them the ministers of Jesus Christ,
instruments used by the Holy Ghost to do me good and to
further my salvation. Believe me. Father,’ she added, ‘ the
best and most efficient means of winning heaven is patience
during trials ; this makes man master and ruler of himself, as
our Lord told His Apostles.’ I remember that sometimes,
when I spoke to her about scandals that had been spread about

94 the way of perfection. [chap. XV.

any harm, while its chief advantage is, that we thus,
to a certain degree, imitate our Lord. I say, “ to a
certain degree,” for we are never wholly innocent when
blamed, but are always guilty of many sins, for “the
just man falleth seven times a day,” and “ if we say we
have no sin, the truth is not in us ” ® ; therefore, though
we may not be guilty of this particular fault, yet we are
never altogether free from offence, as was the good Jesus.

3. O my Lord, when I remember in how many ways
Thou didst suffer. Who yet in no way didst deserve it,
I know not what to say for myself, nor of what I am
thinking, when I shrink from suffering or defend myself
from blame ! Thou knowest, O my only Good, that
if there is aught that is right in me, it comes from Thy
hands. Why shouldst Thou not give me much, instead of
little ? If it is because I do not deserve it, neither have

her, she used to laugh and say : ‘ I should have done far worse
things if our Lord had not upheld me. What we must fear
and what I feel the most, is the harm the soul does to itself by
such slander : I should be willing to suffer not only all kinds
of insults, but any tortures, to prevent an offence against
God, and to deliver that soul from sin. As for the person
who is slandered, the only harm she suffers is to have an oppor-
tunity of gaining merit ’ " (Deposition of Father Peter of the
Purification, Discalced Carmelite : Las Relaciones historicas de
los siglos xvi. y xvii. puhlicadas por la Sociedad de Bihliofilos
espanoles, vol. xxxii. 309. Madrid, 1896).

’ Prov. xxiv. 16 : “ Septies enim cadet Justus, et resurget.”

® I Joh. i. 8 : “ Si dixerimus quoniam peccatum non habemus,
veritas in nobis non est.”

CHAP. XV.] OBLOQUY. 95

I deserved the graces Thou hast already bestowed on
me. Can it be that I should wish men to think well
of a thing so vile as I am, when they said such evil
things of Thee, Who art above every other good ? Do
not permit this : forbid it, O my God, nor let me wish
that anything displeasing to Thine eyes should be found
in me. Thy handmaiden. See, O my Lord, I am blind
and I care but little for the light. Enlighten me and
make me sincerely desire that all men should hate me,
since I have so often abandoned Thee, Who lovest me
so faithfully. Why do we act thus, O my God ? What
joy do we think to find by pleasing creatures ? What
does it matter of what guilt they accuse us, if we are
guiltless before Thee, O Lord ?

4. Ah, my sisters, how far we are from grasping
this truth ! We shall never reach the summit of per-
fection unless we come to understand what is the great
reality, and what is of no account.** Were there no
other gain but the shame felt by your accuser at seeing
that you permit yourselves to be unjustly condemned,
it would be very great, for to witness such an action
sometimes benefits a soul more than listening to ten
sermons. We must all strive to preach by our actions,
since the Apostle and our own incapacity forbid us to
do so by word of mouth.^® Do not imagine that either

^ Escorial edition, ch. xxiii. Continues the same subject.

I Cor. xiv. 34 : “ Mulieres in ecclesiis taceant.”

96 THE WAY OF PERFECTION. [CHAP. XV.

the good or the ill you do will be concealed, however
strict your enclosure may be. And can you fancy
that if you do not defend yourselves, no one else will
take your part ? See how our Lord answered for the
Magdalen in the house of the Pharisee, “ and also when
her sister blamed her.^^ He will not treat you with
such rigour as He kept for Himself. He did not permit
even the thief to speak in His defence until He hung
upon the cross. When there is need. His Majesty
will find you an advocate : if not, it will be because you
do not require one.

5. I know that this is true, for it has been fully proved
to me by experience. Yet I do not wish you to reckon
on it : I would rather have you rejoice at being accused.
Time will show you how your soul will benefit by this :
you will gradually gain liberty of spirit, and will not
care whether you are well or ill spoken of ; you will
feel as if the matter concerned some one else, or as if
two people were holding a private conversation in which
you do not want to take part. In the same way, here :
we have grown so accustomed to returning no answer
that it does not seem as if any one had spoken to us.
People who are unmortified and very sensitive may

St. Matt. xxvi. 10 : “ Quid molesti estis huic mulieri.”

12 Excl. V. 2, 3. Castle, M. vii. ch. i. 14.

St. Luke xxiii. 40 : “ Neque tu times Deum, quod in eadem
damnatione es ? ”

CHAP. XVI.]

GAME OF CHESS.

97

think this impossible. Though difficult at first, I know
that this liberty of spirit, abnegation, and detachment
may, by the grace of God, gradually be obtained.