I. Separated from the world and our own kindred, in

a state of absolute poverty, and enclosed in this convent,
under the conditions I have described, it would seem
that we have done all, and that there is nothing left to
contend with. Ah, sisters, do not feel too secure, nor
settle yourselves to sleep ! You would be like a man who
goes peacefully to rest, after having bolted his doors
securely against the robbers who are already inside
them. Have you not heard that the thief who lives
in the house is the worst thief of all ?

Our natures are always the same, and unless we
use the greatest care, and each one of us makes it her
most urgent business constantly to cross her self-will,

1 Valladolid edition, ch. xi. ; Escorial, ch. xv. Treats of the
humility accompanying the two virtues of detachment and the
perfect love already described.

^ St. Matt. X. 36 : “ Inimici hominis domestici ejus.”

^4 The way of PERFEctioN. [chap. jt.

many things will keep us from the holy liberty of
spirit which we seek, in order that our souls may rise
to their Creator, unimpeded by any earthly, leaden
weight.

2. A valuable aid towards this is the constant remem-
brance of the vanity of all things, and of how quickly
they pass away, that we may withdraw our affections
from what is worthless and fix them on what is eternal.
Though this means seems inefficient, yet I assure you
it gives great strength to the soul. We must keep
watch over ourselves carefully, in the most insignificant
matters : when we are attached to anything we must
turn our thoughts from it, and fix them on God. His
Majesty will help us to do this, and it is a great grace
from Him that, in this convent, the greater part of this
is already done for us.^ As this detachment from our-
selves and crossing our own wills is a hard matter, the
union being so close and self-love being very strong,*
humility will now find its place.® This virtue and
abnegation seem to me always to accompany one another ;
they are two sisters who cannot be separated. These

® St. Teresa practised strict poverty and disliked the nuns
becoming attached to any little article given them for their
use. She therefore often made them change cells, breviaries,
etc. {Fuente, vol. vi. 310, n. 16.) Deposition of Mary of St.
Francis.

* Escorial edition, ch. xvi. Of mortifying ourselves during
sickness.

® Life, ch. xxxi. 23 sqq.

EFFECTS OF HUMILITY.

CHAP. X.]

65

are not the kindred I advise you to forsake : embrace
and love them, and never be seen without them,

3. O sovereign virtues ! rulers of all created things ;
queens of the world ; our deliverers from all the snares
and traps of the devil, dearly loved as you were by our
Teacher, Jesus Christ, Who never for a moment lived
without you ! Those who possess you may sally forth
and fight with all hell and the whole world and its
temptations ! Let them not be afraid, for “ theirs is
the kingdom of heaven ” : ® they have no cause for
dread, for they care not if all be lost — nor do they count
it loss — their sole fear is lest they should offend their
God ; they implore Him to preserve these virtues in
their souls, lest by their own fault they should lose
them. It is true that these virtues have the property
of hiding themselves from their owner’s sight, so that
he never believes he possesses them, whatever he may
be told to the contrary. Yet he esteems them so highly
that he is always striving to gain them, and thus grows
more perfect in them. The possessor of these virtues
soon unwittingly reveals them to those who talk to him.

4. But what presumption for me to praise humility
and mortification, which have been so extolled by the
King of Glory, and exemplified by all His toils and
sufferings ! These are the virtues that you must labour
to obtain in order to escape from the Land of Egypt.

® St. Matt. iii. 3 : “ Quoniam ipsorum est regnum coelorum*’^

5

66 THE WAY OF PERFECTION. [CHAP. X.

My daughters, when you possess them, you will find
the manna ’ : then all things will taste sweet to you :
however bitter the world may find them, to you they will
be delicious. Our first effort must be to cease loving
our bodies * ; some of us are naturally self-indulgent,
therefore this is no easy work. Considering that we
are nuns, it is surprising what a struggle these two
things cost us, just as they do other people. Some
of us seem to think we only entered the convent in order
to keep ourselves alive, and to nurse and pamper our
bodies as well as we can, and this constitutes our prin-
cipal pleasure. To tell the truth, there is very little
opportunity of practising this here, but I do not want
you even to wish for such a thing. Be convinced,
sisters, that you came here to die for Christ, not to
indulge yourselves for Him. The devil suggests that
we need to take care of ourselves in order to observe
the Rule. Such nuns are so exceedingly anxious to
preserve their health so that they may be able to obey
the Rule, that they die without ever having observed
it for a month, or perhaps even for a single day. If
good health is our object in life, I do not know why
we came here. There is no fear lest we should fail
in discretion on this point, for our confessors at once

’ Apoc. ii. 17. Castle, M. ii. ch. i. 13,

® Castle, M. i. ch. ii. 14 ; M. iii. ch. ii. 9. Concep. ch. ii. 20.
Const. 21.

CHAP. X.] ANXIETY ABOUT HEALTH. 67

take fright lest we should kill ourselves with penances ;
and I wish our other faults of observance were as odious
to us as is such want of prudence.

5. I know that those who practise the contrary will
pay no attention to what I am writing, nor do I care
if they say that I judge others by myself, which is true
enough. I am sure that there are more who behave
as I do, than there are nuns who are offended at my
words, because they never, themselves, act in such a
way. I believe that this is why our Lord permits us
to have delicate constitutions ; at least. He has shown
me great mercy in doing so in my case, for, as I was
sure to pamper myself. He wished me to have some
excuse for it.® It is amusing to see how some
worry themselves about this. At one time they have
a mania for doing penances, without either moderation
or discretion^®: this lasts for a day o# so, and then
the devil puts it into their heads that penance makes
them ill, so henceforth they never perform any more,
even when the Rule enjoins it, as they have found it
injures them.“ We do not obey even the least points
of the Rule, such as silence, which could do us no harm.
Directly we fancy our head aches, we stop away from
choir, which would not kill us either. One day we are

® Life, ch. xxiv. 2. Rel. xi. 2.

Castle, M. i. ch, ii. 19. Way of Perf. ch. xxxix. 4.

^ Castle, M. iii. ch. ii. ii. Const. 21.

THE WAY OF PERFECTION.

68

[chap. X.

absent because it aches, the next because it has ached,
and three more, lest it should ache again ; but we love
to invent penances for ourselves, so that we end by-
doing neither the one nor the other. Sometimes we
feel stronger, yet we think we are not obliged to mortify
ourselves, but that by having obtained leave we are
henceforth dispensed from everything.

6. You may ask why the Prioress gives these dis-
pensations ? If she could see into the state of your
body, perhaps she would refuse, but you tell her there
is need of them, and the doctor supports your cause,
while a friend or relation stands by weeping, and though
the poor Prioress sometimes sees that too much is asked
for, yet what is she to do ? She feels a scruple lest
she should be wanting in charity, and would rather
you erred than that she should, while it seems unjust
to judge yorw harshly. Oh these complaints ! God
help us, among nuns ! May He forgive me for saying so,
but I believe it has already become the custom. I once
saw a case of this kind : a nun said she had a headache,
and complained of it a great deal. When it came to be
inquired into, she felt no pain at all in her head, but
suffered in some other part of her body. Such things
may occur here at times, so I warn you against them now,
for if the devil once begins to daunt us with the fear of
losing our health, we shall never do anything. May God
give us light to accomplish all our duties. Amen.

CHAP. XI.]

ILLNESS.

69