I. Beware, daughters, of a certain kind of humility

suggested by the devil, which is accompanied by great
anxiety about the gravity of our past sins.^ He dis-
turbs souls in many ways by this means, until at last
he stops them from receiving Holy Communion by doubts
as to whether they are in a fit state for it, and such
thoughts as : “ Am I worthy of it ? Am I in a good
disposition ? I am unfit to live in a religious community.”
The evil one thus hinders Christians from prayer, and
when they communicate, the time during which they
ought to be obtaining graces is spent in wondering
whether they were well prepared or no. Things come
to such a pass that Satan makes the soul believe that
God has forsaken it on account of its sins, so that it
almost doubts His mercy. Everything such a person
says seems to her on the verge of evil, and all her

1 Valladolid edition, ch. xli. ; Escorial, continuation of ch. Ixvii.

2 l.ife, ch. X. ^ ; ch, xxiii. 3, 45. M. i, ch, ii. 1 1.

CHAP. XXXIX.] DISCOURAGEMENT. 267

actions appear fruitless, however good in themselves.
She becomes discouraged, thinking that she can do
nothing right, for what is good in others she fancies is
wrong in herself.

2. Pay great attention, daughters, to what I am about
to say. At one time it may be humility and a virtue
to think ourselves thus sinful, and at another time it is
a most dangerous temptation. I know this, for I have
passed through this state myself. However deep humility
may be, it neither disquiets, wearies, nor disturbs the
soul, but is peaceful, sweet, and serene. Although the
sight of our wickedness grieves us and proves to us that
we deserve to be in hell, and that in justice all mankind
should hate us, so that we hardly dare to beg for mercy,
yet if it is a right humility this pain is accompanied
by suavity, content, and joy, and we do not wish to be
without it ; indeed, it ought to be prized, since it results
in self-knowledge. It dilates, instead of troubling or
depressing the soul, making it more capable of serving
God. The other sorrow, which distresses the mind,
renders it uneasy, completely subverting it and causing
great pain, so that there is no possibility of calming the
thoughts. You may feel certain that this is a tempta-
tion and not humility, with which it has no connection.
I believe that this is a plot of the devil to make us
think we are lowly, and at the same time to lead us to
distrust God,

268 THE WAY OF PERFECTION. [CHAP. XXXIX.

3. If you are ever in this state, turn your thoughts,
as far as possible, from your own misery and meditate
on the mercy of God, His love for us, and all that He
suffered for our sakes. If this depression is a temptation,
you will be unable to do even this, or to calm your mind
and fix it on any other subject except that which wearies
you still more ; it will be much if you even recognise
that it is a temptation.

4. A thing of the same kind occurs when we perform
indiscreet penances in order to make ourselves think
we have greater sorrow for sin than others, and to feel
that we are doing something. If we conceal our morti-
fications from our confessor or Prioress, or are annoyed
at being forbidden to practise them,^ and disobey the
order, this is clearly a temptation. Strive to obey, even
though you find it harder, for this is far more perfect.
This advice applies to every case, and you must take
special care to remember it.^

5. Another very treacherous temptation is a feeling
of confidence that we shall never relapse into our former
faults, or care for worldly pleasures again. We say to
ourselves : “ Now I know what the world is, that all
it contains passes away, and I care more for divine things.”
This temptation is the most dangerous of all, especially

3 Castle, M. i. ch ii. 19. Rel. iii. 12.

^ Escorial, ch. Ixviii. Continues the same subject and gives
counsel about temptations.

CHAP. XXXIX.] CONSOLATIONS. 269

at the beginning of the religious life, for such souls,
feeling that they are safe, do not guard themselves
against occasions of sin. Unforeseen obstacles arise
in their path and God grant they may not fall lower
than ever before, and if they do fall, that they may
rise again : this the devil, seeing the harm they may
do him and the good they may do their neighbours, will
use every means in his power to prevent.

6. Whatever consolations and signs of love our Lord
may give you, avoid all occasions of evil, and never
feel safe against a relapse. Be sure to mention these
favours and graces to some one who is able to counsel
you : hide nothing from him. Always begin and finish
your prayer with the thought of your own nothingness,
however sublime your contemplation may be, and even
though our Lord may impart Himself to you and offer
you proofs of His love. If this contemplation comes
from God, you will often find yourselves unconsciously
doing this, for such prayer produces humility and leaves
us with a greater knowledge of our own unworthiness.
Be cautious and consult some one who understands
such matters,® for the devil attacks us at these times
in various ways. I will say no more here, as there are
many books which give advice about it : I have written
this because I have had much experience on the subject,
which has given me a great deal of trouble. Still,
® Castle, M. vi. ch. iii. 18 ; ch. ix. 10. Life, ch. xxvi, 5.

270 the way of perfection, [chap, xxxix.

nothing that can be said will make us perfectly secure,
because we cannot understand ourselves.

7. What, O eternal Father, can we do, save to have
recourse to Thee and beg Thee not to permit our enemies
to lead us into temptation ? Let open assaults come,
and with Thine aid we can defend ourselves ; but how
can we detect these subtle snares ? O my God ! never
must we cease to beg Thy help. Give us some safeguard
against surprise, and show us how to understand our-
selves and to feel secure. Thou knowest how few are
the souls that follow the way of prayer — and if they must
live thus beset with fears, their number will diminish.

8. How strange it seems ! One would think the
devil never tempted any one who did not pray ! The
world is more horrified at one person who aims at per-
fection falling into some deception, than at witnessing
the crimes and errors of a hundred thousand souls on
the road to hell, about whom there can be no question
as to whether they are saints or sinners, for any one
can see, a thousand leagues off, that Satan has them
in his clutches. Still the world is right, for the devil
entraps so very few who say the Pater Noster with
devotion, that when he succeeds, men are startled and
wonder at it, as at something strange and unheard of !
For, as a rule, people think little of every-day sights,
but anything new or uncommon strikes them with sur-
prise. The evil spirits, too, incite them to take scandal

CHAP. XL.]

HOLY FEAR.

271

at this, for a single soul that reaches perfection snatches
many others from their hands. And the thing itself is
so strange that no wonder men marvel at it, for unless
they have themselves to blame, souls travel far more
safely by this way than by any other — just as those
who watch the bull-fight behind the barrier do not run
the same risk as others who expose themselves to the
animal’s horns. I heard some one make this comparison
and it seems most appropriate. Do not be afraid,
sisters, to walk in these paths — for there are many kinds
of prayer ; some minds profit by one sort and some by
another,® as I told you. The way is a safe one : you
will be freed more quickly from temptation if you are
near our Lord than if you were far off. Beg and entreat
this of Him, as you do every day, in the Pater Noster.