I. Our kind Master sees that, unless the fault be our

own, this heavenly Bread renders all things easy to us,

3 St. Matt. viii. 25 : “ Domine, salva nos, perimus.”

1 Valladolid edition, ch. xxxviii. ; Escorial, ch. Ixiii.

CHAP. XXXVI.] FORGIVENESS. 241

and that we are now capable of fulfilling our promise to
the Father of allowing His will to be done in us. There-
fore, continuing to teach us the prayer, He says : “ For-
give us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Notice,
daughters. He does not say, ” as we are about to forgive
our debtors,” because we are to understand that we
must have already done this, before we beg for so great
a gift (as this Bread) and the surrender of our own will
to that of God. Therefore Christ’s words are, “as we
forgive our debtors.” Whoever wishes to be able to
say to God in all sincerity, “ Thy will be done ! ”
must have forgiven others beforehand, at least in
intention.

2. Now we see why the saints rejoiced in injuries and
persecutions, for thereby they had some payment to
offer God when they made this petition. Otherwise,
what could such poor sinners as myself do, who have
so little to forgive and so much to be forgiven ? We
ought to think over this very seriously, sisters ; it is so
grave and so important a matter that God should pardon
us miserable creatures our sins, which merit eternal fire,
that we must pardon all offences committed against us,^
which are not really affronts, nor anything at all. For,
how is it possible to wrong, either by word or deed,
such a one as I am, who in simple justice deserve to

2 Life, cli. xxi. 12. Way of Perf. ch. xii. 8, 9. ; ch. xiii. 1-4.
Concep. ch. ii. 15, 16, 32, 33.

16

242 THE WAY OF PERFECTION. [CHAP. XXXVl.

be treated unkindly in this world and tortured by the
devils in the next ? ^ Thus it is, O my God, that I
have no other gift to offer Thee, whereby I might plead
that Thou shouldst remit my debts. Thy Son must
forgive me, for no one has done me any real injustice,
therefore I have nothing to pardon in return. “ Accept
my wish to pardon others, O God, for I believe that I
could forgive my neighbour anything, since Thou dost
pardon me, or that I might fulfil Thy will unreservedly
— yet, when it comes to the test, if I were unjustly
accused, I know not what I might do. But, in Thine
eyes I am so guilty, that all the evil men could say of
me would fall far short of the truth, although those
who see not all which Thou knowest, might think that
I had been injured. Therefore, O my Father, Thou
must indeed forgive me freely, which demands from
Thee mercy. All praise is due to Thee for bearing
patiently with one so poor as I am. When Thy most
blessed Son promised Thee this repayment from other
men. He left out my name because I am utterly destitute.
But, O my God, are there not other souls which, like

® Excl. xiii. 3. Rel. i. 28. Life, ch. xxxi. 13.

^ Mother Isabel of Jesus once said to the Saint: “Mother,
how can you bear their saying such things about a nun ? “
(people were speaking very ill about her at the time). She
replied ; “ They have good reason for it. I am surprised at their
not flogging me. What do you suppose I care for their words ?
No music could be sweeter to my ears.” {Fuente, vol. vi. 306,
n. 7. Deposition of Damiana of Jesus.)

CHAP. XXXVI.] FALSE HONOUR. 243

mine, have never grasped this truth ? If there be, I
beg them, in Thy name, to remember it, and to ignore
the trifling matters which they call affronts, lest, in their
care for points of honour, they resemble children building
houses out of straw.

3. Ah, my sisters, would that we realised what such
“honour” means, by which true honour is forfeited!
I am not speaking about what we are at the present
moment : it would indeed be shameful if we did not
recognise this. I apply it to myself, in the days when
I prided myself on my honour, as is the custom of the
world, without knowing what the word really meant.®
Oh, how ashamed I feel at recalling what used to annoy
me then, although I was not a person accustomed to
stand on ceremony. Still, I did not realise where the
essential point of honour lay, for I neither knew nor
cared for real honour, which is of some use, because it
benefits the soul. How truly some one has said : ‘ ‘ Honour
and profit do not go together ”1 I do not know whether
he applied this meaning to it, still, quoting his words
as they stand, the soul’s profit and what men call honour
can never agree. The perversity of the world is most
astonishing ; thank God for taking us out of it 1 May
He always keep its spirit as far from this house
as it is now 1 Heaven defend us from monasteries
where the inmates are sensitive as to their fancied
5 Life, ch. ii. 4.

244 the way of perfection, [chap. XXXVI.

rights : they will never pay much honour to God
there ! ®

4. What can be more absurd than for religious to
stand upon their dignity on such petty points, that I
am absolutely surprised at them ! You know nothing
about such things, sisters : I will tell you, so that you
may be on your guard. The devil has not forgotten
us — he has invented honours in religious houses — he
has settled the laws by which the dwellers rise and fall
in dignity (as men do in the world), and they are jealous
of their honour in surprisingly petty matters. Learned
men must observe a certain order in their studies, which
I cannot understand : he who has read theology must
not descend to read philosophy. This is a point of
honour, which consists in advancing and in not retro-
grading. If obedience obliged any one to do the contrary,
he would secretly take it as an affront, and would find
others to take his part and say that he had been ill-used :
the devil would easily find reasons, even from the holy
Scriptures, by which he would appear to prove this.
Even among nuns, she who has been Prioress must not
afterwards fill any lower office : deference must be shown
to the first in rank, and she takes care we do not forget
it ; at times this even seems a merit because the Rule
enjoins it. The thing is absurd, and enough to make
one laugh — or rather cry, and with better cause than
® Escorial edition, ch. Ixiv. Denounces superfluous honours.

CHAP. XXXVI.] TRUE HONOUR. 245

can be told. I know the Rule does not forbid me to
be humble : the regulation is made to maintain order,
but I ought not to be so careful of my dignity as to
insist on this point being obeyed as strictly as the rest.
And perhaps I keep those injunctions very slackly,
while I will give up no jot or tittle of this one. Let others
see to what concerns my rank and let me take no notice
of it ! The fact is, we are bent on rising higher, although
we shall never mount to heaven by this path, and we
will not dream of descending.^

5. O my Lord, art not Thou our Pattern and our
Master ? Indeed Thou art. And in what did Thine
honour consist, O ever-honoured Master and King ?
Didst Thou lose it, in being humbled even unto death ?
No, Lord, Thou didst thereby gain it and didst win
graces for us all. Therefore, sisters ! how far we shall
err from the right path if we follow this way, for it
leads us wrong from the very beginning. May He
grant that no soul may be lost through observing
these miserable points of etiquette, without realising in
what true honour consists. At last we come to believe

’ So far was the Saint from caring for honours that not only
did she wish to leave Avila because she was held there in high
esteem, and retire with her dowry to another house of the Order
far away, where she would be unknown {Life, ch. xxxi. 16), but
she also wanted to become a lay sister so as to do the meanest
and hardest work. She would have executed this design had she
not been prevented by authority. {Ribera, bk. iv. ch. xv.)

246 THE WAY OF PERFECTION. [CHAP. XXXVI.

that we have done a great thing when we forgive some
trifle which was neither an affront nor an injury nor
anything of the sort, nor gave us any just cause for resent-
ment. Then afterwards, as if we had done some virtuous
action, we petition God to forgive us, because we have
forgiven others. Give us grace, O Lord, to know that
we do not understand what we are saying, and that all
such souls come to Him as empty-handed as I do myself.
Grant this for the sake of Thy loving mercy. Indeed,
O Lord, I see nothing that I can offer worthy to obtain
from Thee so great a gift, for all earthly things perish,
but hell is eternal : yet I plead to Thee for souls who
think that others are always injuring and insulting them.

6. What value God places on our loving and keeping
peace with one another ! for when once we have given
Him our will we have given Him the right to it, and
this we cannot do without love. See, sisters, what need
there is for us to love and to agree with each other.
The good Jesus places it before anything else. He does
not mention the many things we gave Him on one single
occasion, nor does He offer them in our name to His
Father. He might have said : “ Forgive us because

of our many penances, or prayers, or fasts, or because
we have left all for Thee and love Thee fervently, and
have suffered for Thee and long to suffer more.” He
never says, “ Because we would lay down our lives for
Thee,” or recounts the many other things the soul does

CHAP. XXXVI.]

INJURIES.

247

for God when it loves Him and gives Him its will. He
only pleads, “ As we forgive our debtors.” Perhaps
this was because He knew of our attachment to this
miserable ” honour,” so that we will overlook no slight
upon it. This being the most difficult thing for us to
overcome, our Lord put it in the first place, so that,
after having asked such sublime graces for us. He offers
this for our repayment.®

7. Notice, sisters, that Christ says, “As we have
forgiven our debtors,” to show that it is a thing we have
already done, as I said. Be sure of this — when a soul,
after receiving some of the special favours in prayer
which I have described, and after having been raised to
perfect contemplation, does not come away with a firm
determination to forgive others, and if occasion offers, it
does not actually pardon any injury, serious as it may
be — unless these fruits are left in the soul, the graces
never came from God, but were illusions and delights
caused by the devil, to make such a person think herself
holy and therefore worthy of greater honour. I am not
speaking of the trifles people call injuries, for these do
not affect a soul that God raises to so high a prayer,
nor does it care whether it is highly esteemed or no. I
am wrong in saying that “ it does not care,” for hon-
our troubles it far more than contempt, and it dislikes

® Escorial edition, ch. Ixv. Treats of the effects left by
perfect prayer,

248 THE WAY OF PERFECTION. [CHAP. XXXVI.

rest much more than toil. The good Jesus, knowing
that these results remain in the soul that has reached
this state of prayer, assures His Father that we forgive
our debtors, for, when God has really given His kingdom
to a person, she no longer wishes for any kingdom in this
world : she understands that this is the way to reign in
a far higher manner, experience having taught her what
benefit accrues from it and that the soul makes rapid
progress through suffering for God. Only in very ex-
ceptional cases does He bestow sublime favours on
souls which have not willingly born many severe trials
for His sake, because, as I have already told you in this
book, contemplatives have heavy crosses to bear,® so
our Lord chooses hearts which have been thoroughly
tested.

8. You must know, sisters, that such souls, having
learnt the worth of all created things, do not pay much
heed to any transitory matter — if, 'for a moment, some
serious injury or suffering affects them, yet they have
hardly felt it before reason comes to their aid and, as
it were, erects the standard of faith for them, and over-
throws their pain by the joy of seeing that God has given
them an opportunity of gaining, in one day, more graces
and lasting rewards, than they could have earned for
themselves in ten years by any self-sought labours
undertaken for Him. From what I have been told by
® Way of Perf. ch. xviii. i.

CHAP. XXXVI.]

PATIENCE.

249

many contemplatives, I believe this is very usual : they
prize afflictions as other people prize gold and jewels,
knowing that sorrows will make them rich. Such souls
have no self-esteem — they are glad that their faults
should be known, and Reveal them to any one who
they know feels esteem for them.^* It is the same as re-
gards their parentage : they recognise that it will avail
them nothing in the eternal kingdom. If they felt any
pleasure in being of noble birth, it would only be when
it enabled them to render God greater service. If they
are not well-born, they are distressed when people over-
rate them, and, if they take no pleasure in undeceiving
their friends, at any rate they feel no reluctance in doing
so. This must be, because the souls on whom God has
bestowed such great humility and love for Him, so
entirely forget themselves in all that concerns rendering
Him greater service, that they cannot believe that any-
one can be troubled by certain annoyances which they
themselves do not resent as injuries.

9. These last-mentioned effects are proper to persons
who have arrived at a high degree of perfection, to

10 A devout person, while talking to our holy Mother, said :
“ Well, Mother, you may be a saint, but you don’t seem one to
me.” St. Teresa was delighted, and answered: “God reward-
you for those words. You tell the truth, and you know what
I really am.” (Deposition of Damiana of Jesus,- Fuente,
vol. vi. 305, nn. 5, 6.)

Life, ch. xxxi. 17.

13 Cattle, M. vi. eh. viii. 5. Life, ch. xi?:. 2,

250 THE WAY OF PERFECTION. [CHAP. XXXVI.

whom our Lord often grants the favour of uniting them
to Himself by sublime contemplation. But the first
degree of this virtue, that is, a firm resolution to bear
injuries and the suffering of them, although they wound
one, is obtained in a very short time, by the soul to
whom God grants the grace of union. If these effects are
not found, and are not greatly increased by this prayer,
we must conclude that this was no divine favour, but
a delusion of the devil sent to increase our self-esteem.
The soul may possibly be lacking in this strength
when God first bestows these favours on it, but if
He continues doing so it will soon gain vigour, if
not in the other virtues, at least in this of forgiving
injuries.

10. I cannot believe that one who has approached
so near to the Source of all mercy, which has shown the
soul what it really is, and all that God has pardoned it,
would not instantly and willingly forgive, and be at
peace, and remain well-affected towards any one who
has offended her. For the divine kindness and mercy
shown her prove the immense love felt for her by the
Almighty, and she is overjoyed to have an opportunity
of showing love in return.

11. I repeat, that I know a number of people on
whom our Lord has bestowed supernatural favours,
such as the prayer or contemplation I have described,
and, although they have other faults and imperfections,

CHAP. XXXVII.]

CONSOLATIONS.

251

yet I never saw one who was unforgiving, nor do I think
such a thing possible, if these really were divine graces.
If any one receives very sublime favours, let her notice
whether the right effects increase with them : if these
are not found, there is cause for great fear. Let no one
fancy that such feelings were graces from God, for He
always enriches the soul He visits. This is certain,
for although the grace or consolation may pass away
quickly, it is detected in time by the benefits it has left
in the soul. The good Jesus is well aware of this and
therefore deliberately assures His Father that we for-
give our debtors.